A new little bundle added to my friendfamily...

My friend C had her little baby girl last night.  I haven't heard much about the whole process, but I know that she went to the hospital on Monday night and was sent home early in the morning Tuesday.  Later on Tuesday I got a message that she was back in the hospital and was getting ready to push, then a couple hours later, the first pic of beautiful Miss Abigail!  When I got the text message from my friend T that C was at 10cm and ready to push, I have to admit to a wave of jealousy.    I never got to that point, never got to push, and as painful as I know it is, I still wish I had experienced that. I never shared my whole birth story so I thought I would share it now, regrets (if you can really call them that) and all.

At my 40 week appointment I was really no where 0 cms dilated ("I might be able to get the very tip of my finger in" -my OB) a tiny bit effaced, -2 station.  Nothing.  I knew I was going to be late, my mom was late with all 3 of us and I know that doesn't ALWAYS mean that's how it would be for me, but I wasn't hopeful that I would be on time.  We agreed that we would let it go another week and at 41 weeks we would induce.  I didn't really want to do that because my sister had been induced which had ended in an emergency c-section so it made me really nervous.  The doctor assured me though that we really didn't want to let it go past 41 weeks because then the baby could be in danger.  So we actually went ahead and scheduled with the hospital for Sunday night of week 41 to have the misoprostal inserted.  Now, I swear on my childs life that my OB said that we would go to the hospital, they would put it in and we could go home.  I swear.  So does A.  We were both planning to be home in our own bed that Sunday night.

So week 41 came and went and Sunday came so we called the hospital and they told us to come in at 6:00.  We came in, went to L&D and they got us into one of the rooms.  We started talking to the nurse about what was going to happen and after that she said, "OK, I just need to get you all admitted and we'll be ready to get started"  At which point A and I both looked at each other and I said "wait, what?  Dr. Soandso said I'd be able to go home"  She laughed and said, no and I really don't think you'll want to. 

So we got me all checked in, A actually went and got me something to eat since I quickly realized that I hadn't eaten dinner and once this party got started there was no chance of me eating again for a while.  They actually changed from doing Misoprostal to Cervadil.  They inserted it and I almost immediately started having mild contractions, which was interesting because it's really just supposed to dilate/soften your cervix, not start contractions, but whatever.  No big deal, the most uncomfortable thing was going to the bathroom and trying to make sure not to knock the Cervadil out.  So we went all night long with that and around 9 am they took the Cervadil out and checked me again.  I was a whopping 1 cm dilated.  Whoopie.  So my doctor allowed me to take a quick shower and walk a little bit then at 10 am they started the Pitocin to start contractions and hopefully dilate me further.  Now, they inserted the Cervadil at 9 pm and I started having contractions right away.  By the next morning I was still having them and they were much more uncomfortable. Still about 4 minutes apart.   A couple hours later, I was at 2 cm.  Then a couple hours later I was almost 3 cm.  Then it stopped.  Not the contractions, not the medicine, just the dilating.  24 hours after the Cervadil I was at 3 cms, 2 station, but was almost completely effaced...and still contracting every 4 minutes and they were STRONG.

Around 9 that night, my doc came in and we started talking about the options.  1. Stop the pitocin, go home, take a break, try again in a couple days.   2. Stop the pitocin, sleep, start again in the morning.  3. Break my water which should speed up the whole process and get things moving.  Worst case scenario (according to Dr.) was that after 24 hours we would have to have a c-section.   At this point I had been in labor (although apparently it doesn't count as "in labor" until the contractions are 3 minutes apart.  You can kiss my a$$ on that, I was in labor) for 24 hours and I was a little on edge.  Not too bad.  A said he kept waiting for me to lose, to start screaming and swearing but I never did.   My doctor seems really keen on the breaking the water option, but she gave us time to decided.  A just wanted to keep things going, I was really nervous STILL about the whole "forcing it" thing, so we were having some trouble.  Our amazing nurse Cindy ( who was now on her 2 shift with us) helped us, talked us through the options the goods and bads without revealing any opinion.  It really helped to look at all the options with no bias.  We decided to go ahead and have the doctor break my water.  The one stipulation both I and my doctor added to this was that I had to get the epidural....

The anesthesiologist came in and A left, at our hospital the make the husbands leave because they are more trouble than help.  Cindy stayed with me and talked me through alot of it, but I was inconsolable.  My doctors had to use baby needles on me until I was in my early 20's because I hate needles so much.  When I would have to have blood drawn during my pregnancy I had to make sure the appointment was when A could come with me because I couldn't do it on my own (well, by the end I was able to do one on my own but...still)  So the fact that I knew they were coming at me with a needle the size of my arm was not something I was ok with.  They had to try 3 times to place the epidural. 3 times, in and out, because she couldn't find a space between my discs to get it into my spinal cord.  I almost vomited when she told me that  and said, I don't need to know the details (well, said through my hysterical crying and snotting all over the wonderful nurse Cindy).  That was the WORST 30 minutes of my whole pregnancy, but not because of the pain, but because I got myself so worked up about it I couldn't calm down.  A came back, smelling like food of course, which, if I hadn't wanted to just lay down and go to sleep would have really ticked me off.  However, whoever invented the epidural is and AMAZING human being.  It was awesome.  I couldn't feel a thing!!  Oh, happy day!  So I slept until the next morning with my little drug button cuddled up next to me.

They came in around 8 am to check me again, and I had finally made it to about 7 cms.  So we were getting there.  I smiled and tried to relax, having heard that once you get to this stage it can really start to go fast so I was hoping it would be over soon and I would have my little man.  Then the doctor turned to me and said that my heart rate was up and that was sometimes and indication of infection.  She wanted to do a c-section and get the baby out before an infection could set in.  I started crying and agreed, if it was what needed to happen to keep my little one safe then do it.  I was exhausted and upset because I really wanted to avoid a c-section, but actually kind of excited because the end was in sight. 

So the doctor that was on from my practice that day was scheduled to do a hysterectomy 30 mins later and they didn't want to wait to get N out so my doctor that had been with me all day the day before, cancelled her office appointments to come back to the hospital and do my surgery.  At about 9:15am they came in and gave me the spinal block, luckily no more needles because I already had the epi in.  The at about 9:40 I was in the OR.  From here I feel like it was an out of body experience for me.  I could feel the pressure of them working on the other side of the curtain but felt no pain.  A was sitting right by my head talking to me and calming me down, I was crying and exhausted.  Finally they pushed N out and I heard his little cry, it was so beautiful, and I just wanted to see him more!  A minute later the nurse brought a little bundle around the curtain and there he was.  My perfect little boy.  I just wanted to hold him but I couldn't because I was still on the table.  But they set him next to me and A and cried together at how amazing he was.  Then we had to decide on the name :-).

Then he was swept away.  A got to go with him to the nursery while they finished up with me, and wheeled me off to the room to sleep and recover from the drugs...

After that it's just the standard story. Once I had recovered from the drugs I got to hold my precious little guy.  Nothing mattered once he was in my arms, it was the most amazing feeling in the world.  I couldn't believe that we had created such perfection.

Since that day (those days) I've thought about the whole process a few times.  However, hearing about C pushing yesterday somehow brought it all back up.  I once read someone saying something about mourning their vaginal birth.  I don't think I ever did that but I do see what they were saying.  For so long you imagine it happening one way....your water breaks or your contractions start... you go to the hospital....things progress and then they say it's time to push.  Not long after you have your little bundle in your arms and all is perfect with the world.  When it doesn't happen that way it's like losing something, and when I hear about others whose deliveries went as planned, I can't help but be a little bit jealous. 

That being said I am SOOOOO thrilled that C and her husband S have finally been able to meet their little baby girl.  I remember those first 2 days and how amazing they were and I hope that they are enjoying every moment.   I couldn't be happier to finally have a baby GIRL in the friendfamily.   We already have 2 boys, my N and my friend T&P's son A and a girl just makes it perfect. 

Now,  just a few days until we find out what S&M (hehehe) will have.... #4 is already on the way.