So I've been pumping since I went back to work. Same diet, same times, same beverage intake, same everything. All of a sudden this week my supply has TANKED. Now, by no means do I have a low supply. I'm usually still able to get at least 3 ozs per pump and most of the time around 5. Up until now though I was doing the same 3 pumps/day and getting 6-8 ozs per pump! So to drop to 3-5 sucks. N eats 7 oz bottles, so I'm freaking out about keeping up. We're planning on starting at least one bottle of formula soon, because we want to wean him around 6 months. Mostly for my sanity. I'll be happy if I can make it the 6 months and that's that.
It has been so ingrained in me though that BFing is best that I started to freak out when my supply started to drop earlier this week! I literally started going over my diet, my lifestyle, N's schedule, my schedule, etc. Everything. I went out and bought everything that's recommended to increase supply, oatmeal, Mother's Milk Tea, Fenugreek, etc. I have no idea if they will work because it hasn't even been a week, but we'll see. Either way, earlier today I was looking at Kellymom.com and found reasons your supply can drop. I went through all of them and none of them fit. There was only one that I wasn't sure about.... pregnancy. It said clear as day "Pregnancy can cause your supply to drop because of the hormones". I immediately thought, Fvck No. I am NOT ready to be PG again and if I am, I'm going to throw a shit fit (and of course be excited, but the shit fit will come first). Now, I became even more convinced that I was PG because I haven't had a cycle yet because of breastfeeding so I have NO idea if I've ovulated. I'm on the mini-pill which is not the most reliable bc and I was peeing constantly. Ok, seriously, If I had really thought about it the most I could be was 4 weeks preggo, but once I get something in my head, I'm so always rational. So within an hour of reading this information I was in a full out freak out.
So I called A who was at work and asked him to pick up a pregnancy test on the way home. He laughed at me but indulged me and picked up a digital test. As soon as he walked through the door I handed N to him, grabbed the CVS bag and ran into the bathroom. I POAS(pee on a stick) and then sit there and wait. The whole time A is looking at me like I'm nuts. I should probably add that we have done "it" a handful of times since I had N (getting back on the horse has not been easy for me mentally or physically) so it was definitely unlikely that I would be pg but I couldn't think of anything else that would cause this issue with my milk supply!
After what seemed like a million minutes later it came up and said "NOT PREGNANT". I smiled and looked at N and said "OH thank GOD! I'm so not ready for another one of you yet!" He laughed like he understood and I relaxed a little and enjoyed the rest of the evening.
I want 2 more kids. I am NOT however ready for the next one just yet. I need time to feel like a normal human being again. I need my boobs back. I need to get my mind back. I need to get my sex life back. I need to have at least one night to go out and get completely plastered. I know that sounds so totally selfish but it's true, those are the things I need before I'll be ready to get pg again...oh, well and I guess there are the non-selfish things too, like having enough money etc.
I'll worry about my milk later. If my supply rebounds awesome, if not we start formula a couple weeks earlier than expected. As long as N gets the nutrition he needs and is happy and healthy, I don't care if it's formula or bm, but like I said I'll worry about it later.
For now, I'm celebrating my big fat negative with a big fat glass of wine. Cheers!
