I'm back. For now. Think of me as a blogging superhero. I swoop in just when I'm need then I'm gone and you have no idea when I'll be back, but you can't wait. Well, a superhero, minus the spandex, and the sidekick, and the cool lair...whatever, you get the point.
So as I lay in bed last night, contemplating life and NOT sleeping, thinking about the day. I realized that there are certain things that are inevitable in my life. LV's Inevitabilities. Some are totally because I'm a scatterbrain, some are because I love my family but they ARE my family and some are just because of Murphy's law. So I thought I'd share with you the things in my life, that will always happen to me, without question.
1. I will forget to spray/grease/butter the pan when baking anything. Shizz's husband Mizz is probably rolling his eyes at me right now. I do. I can use non-stick pans and the shit I'm baking still sticks...
2. N will pee the INSTANT I put him in the tub. For this I am grateful, he could be peeing the instant BEFORE I put him in the tub. That would suck.
3. If there is a situation that could be drama, I will spend WEEKS before hand making up even more drama in my head. While this stresses me out and makes poor A have to deal with a bitchy ass wife for a few weeks, it makes the actual event much better because it could not possibly be as bad as I have made it out to be over the last few weeks.
4. Wine will f*** me up. Period.
5. If N sleeps through the night, I will not. Something will wake me up. It's lifes way of telling me this is they way life is going to be FOR-E-VER (in the style of Sandlot)
6. EDITED OUT (by me!)
7) N will make me laugh when I'm having a bad week/day/month.
8) I will go months without blogging. I just don't want to get your hopes up again that my ridiculous blog posts will start coming at a regular basis.
9)EDITED
10) EDITED
11) EDITED
12) Wine will fuck me up. Wait. I already said that. Maybe I should stop drinking wine...
13) A will take my car (since we got a new one(used Volvo SUV), he likes mine better) and leave it with no gas.
14) A will get super pissed when I leave his car with no gas like he does to me. HIP-O-CRIT-I-CAL (yeah, I know that's not how it's spelled)
15) Brown eyed girl will always make me smile. Even on an infomercial.
16) A will buy whatever that infomercial is trying to sell him unless I wrestle him for the phone while ordering. (Hello Ronco knives that BLOW, they couldn't cut butter)
17) Country music will make me happy. I know everyone thinks it's all "my dog died, my wife left me, my sister's at war, I got fired, etc." but good country is like good dance music. I love Dynamite from Taio Cruz and the song Stuck like glue from Sugarland and Undo it from Carrie underwood. If N's not in the car when those songs come on, they are blasted and I'm ROCKING! \oo/!!!
18) WARNING: EMOTIONAL MOMENT PROMPTED BY WINE: I will be lonely every day of the week. I am a social being. I need to interact with people on a regular basis. Right now 6 members of my family (and 1 close friend) are 14 hours away and 1 member of my family and all 6 of my closest friends are 3 hours away. I am not one of those "all I need is you (A) and our kids" kind of people. I need all my friends and family for different things. I can even tell you what they all do for me. I love them all and they are all extremely imporant people in my life. Even the H's of my BFF's. Not in an"I'm a whore" kind of way but all of these people make me happy and I miss them so badly. Also, on top of missing all these amazing peeps, H is gone 3-5 nights a week. FML.
19) Final Inevitability in LV's life: I will realize that I love my dear H more that the world and my son is literally the most amazing thing I have ever done in my life and as lonely as I am, they are amazing. I am blessed and I get that. Isn't the whole point of a blog to be able to vent for all the shit going on with you?
Wait....what?
It's not?
So what you're telling me is I'm supposed to blog about things that people other than ME care about....
F_(<.
Damn. You're killing me smalls!!
PS First to name the movie will be posted as reader of the moment (HA!)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
In honor of Shizzle
So in honor of S who is about to have her little nugget I was thinking about things I wished I knew ahead of time. I've compiled a list of the most random crap, some helpful some maybe not. Some that applies to my kid only some that may not. Who knows. I just thought I'd share some little tidbits of information that may help her and any other new moms out. It might also be good for a little laugh! :-)
Without further adieu and in no particular order:
Without further adieu and in no particular order:
- Start early with having them hold their own bottle. My sister had her son holding his own bottle by 4 months. N is 9 months and we're struggling. For some reason it didn't occur to me until I wrote my last post about bottle time being snuggle time. That's because I'm still a sucker and "have" to hold his bottle!
- If you use a pacifier, do not use the angled ones. Yes they are easier for newborns to get ahold of, HOWEVER, then you have to transition them to the new ones when you want them to get their own paci at night. Pain.in.the.a$$. Again, the earlier you can start with helping them get their own paci at night, the closer you are to the coveted full night's sleep.
- Don't go by the ages on toy. Obviously you should worry about choking hazards and safety issues. However, I have found that N has always liked the toys that were for the next stage better. Most of his favorite toys are for 1 year. I mean, I know that that just means my kids a genius but maybe your kid could be almost as smart as mine if you give them the right toys.
- I never really believe in the white noise machines because any noise keeps me up at night. Our window A/C unit has made me a believer. On the nights when we have it on in his room he sleeps more soundly. No waking up at all. When it's off he doesn't. My son gets his genius from me, I put 2 and 2 together. I may be buying a white noise machine for when we take out the A/C unit.
- Unless your little one has a problem with diaper rash, you DO NOT need to change them when they wake up at night. When N was really little and A would get up at night to feed him (rare, but it did happen periodically) he would change him. EVERY TIME. Not necessary and it would take 4 times as long to get N back to sleep after because he was more awake. Now if they have a diaper rash issue obviously you need to change them, I'd rather have them a little more awake than in pain. I'm not cruel. Just slightly selfish.
- Don't mix 24 hours of formula ahead of time. I feel like we wasted a ton of formula the first couple weeks because I wasn't sure how much to put in a bottle while we were weaning. If you mix it all ahead of time you will end up throwing out more. So mix like 3 or 4 bottles worth ahead of time but not a whole days. Plus at the end of 24 hours there is just something not right about the formula if you ask me...
- Paper plates are amazing. I know it's not the most green option but I'll tell you this. When you are exhausted because you were up 3 times in the night then up for the day at 5. The last thing you want to do is dishes (and housework in general). Using paper plates takes that one little thing off your plate (so to speak) and any little bit helps.
- Meals can be challenging especially as they get older. Leftovers are awesome if you have them. If not, make your meal during a nap so that you can just heat it up or eat it when the time comes without having to do all the prep. Otherwise if you try to eat during naps you end up eating breakfast at 6am lunch at 10:30 and starving for dinner by 2. Then you stuff your face snacking and that is NOT the way to lost the baby weight.
- Vacuuming is a luxury... until they start crawling then it's an obsession. That's less of a hint and more of a warning.
- Do NOT let your fears hold your child back. I've been around a few people ( no one that reads this ) lately who's fears have totally effected their children. Yes, choking is a hazard as they learn to eat. If you keep an eye on them and make sure you get training on how to handle it, it will be ok. Don't give them a grape and walk away but don't keep the on puree's until they are a year, or 3 (yes, I've met BOTH) because of your fear. **side note** The mother of the 3 year old now has to take her child to the hospital/doctor to feed him meals because he is much more likely to choke. Their bodies are ready to learn certain things at certain times and because he didn't learn to eat at the appropriate time, it's 10 times harder for him to learn this. Don't be that chick!
- Kids are made of rubber. I haven't got the scientific data to back this up, but I swear to god it's true.
- Ok, this one doesn't apply to Shannon but possible to others. Once you make it through the first bloody injury, it's cake after that. Oh, and mouth injuries bleed WAY more than others. Again. A warning.
- For a boy, point it down. Seems obvious but I never would have thought of it unless a nurse, my cousin and my sister didn't all make a point of telling me this.
- All the poop, sleepless nights, puke, spitup, crying (you, not the baby), screaming ( at DH, not the baby), stress (will my MIL EVER LEAVE), more crying (where is MY mommy, I can't raise a kid!) is totally worth. It's been said millions of times I know but it really is.
- You CAN raise a kid. Trust your instincts, not those of random people on the internet, or friends, or family. You know your kid best. A prime example is the fact that EVERYONE has told me since Nathan was 3 weeks old that they think he has an ear infection because he pulls on his ear. The first two times I took it to heart and called the doc and went in. No infection (and we're out $70). Now when people say it I just nod and smile and say thanks for the heads up. I know he doesn't have an infection, it's just something he does when he's tired or eating (like I rub my feet together when I'm tired). I know my kid. I appreciate people wanting to help. I still ignore them and go with my gut. When I doubt my gut, I call the doctor.
- Treat them as you would want to be treated. Babies are people too :-). I was the worst at this when N would get sick. I didn't want to give him Tylenol if I could avoid it. Then I was talking to my mom one day and she said, "but if you were miserable wouldn't you want something that could make you feel better?" I was so worried about giving Tylenol too much, that I wasn't doing it at all and was making N suffer. Not cool. I'm not saying you should give them Tylenol or Motrin every night but if you think they are in pain, show them a little mercy.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Blogcation over!!
So I've been on a blog hiatus. This is for a few reasons. Summer gets busier, husband traveling more, major changes at work that may effect my job, etc. So when deciding what to spend extra time on, laundry, food and work take precedence over blogging. I apologize. I'm going to try to blog at least once a week from here on out and I'm starting back with a good old 10 things list. So while I've been gone I weaned Nathan from the boob. It was easier than I thought, and faster than I thought. We spent a weekend in Boston with friends and because of traveling and using bottles, not pumping it moved the whole process along. So I obviously came to terms with the whole weaning thing and the guilt is gone, which is wonderful. Since I quit nursing I have been remembering things that I enjoyed before pregnancy and before nursing. I forgot what I was missing. SO! Here is the first top ten of the summer and the top ten to kick of my new blogging run.
Ten things I LOVE about formula feeding:
10. My boobs are always the same size. A little saggier and smaller than before (I lost a lot of weight which contributes to this as well) but consistent.
9. No pumping!!!!
8. My sex drive is slowly coming back. A is never here when I'm in the mood, but at least it's coming back!
7. No pumping!!!!
6. Indian Food. I love Indian food. I regrettably spent a few years in HS and college dating an Indian guy. While I regret him (not the relationship, him in general) I loved his mom and she cooked some amazing food.
5. Beer. Nuff said.
4. Knowing how much N is eating. I never realized how paranoid I was all the time that he wasn't getting enough to eat. Now I feel like I know what he's eating, I can relax a little.
3. Wine
2. No cleaning pump parts. Yes. I traded that for cleaning bottles, but I can justify buying enough bottles that we can use the dishwasher and I don't have to hand wash them and sterilize them every day.
1. I still have that bond with N. He still snuggles up to me when I give him a bottle. He says babababa too, when I'm getting it ready and claps! He wouldn't do that if I was whipping my boob out! Meal times are still cuddle times and I love that.
Obviously from my previous posts I'm not saying anything against BFing. I loved my time nursing N and I will do it again for my next child (God willing). I am extremely happy that I have come to terms with and am also enjoying FFing N. He is growing up so fast, standing on his own, walking with is toys, almost walking on his own. He says Mamama, and Dadada and Bababa. I can't believe it's all going so fast and those times when I'm giving him a bottle are our little snuggle moments. Brief moments where he's not squirming and I can just cuddle and love him.
Those are the moments that make all the sleep deprivation (only when teething now) worth it!
Ten things I LOVE about formula feeding:
10. My boobs are always the same size. A little saggier and smaller than before (I lost a lot of weight which contributes to this as well) but consistent.
9. No pumping!!!!
8. My sex drive is slowly coming back. A is never here when I'm in the mood, but at least it's coming back!
7. No pumping!!!!
6. Indian Food. I love Indian food. I regrettably spent a few years in HS and college dating an Indian guy. While I regret him (not the relationship, him in general) I loved his mom and she cooked some amazing food.
5. Beer. Nuff said.
4. Knowing how much N is eating. I never realized how paranoid I was all the time that he wasn't getting enough to eat. Now I feel like I know what he's eating, I can relax a little.
3. Wine
2. No cleaning pump parts. Yes. I traded that for cleaning bottles, but I can justify buying enough bottles that we can use the dishwasher and I don't have to hand wash them and sterilize them every day.
1. I still have that bond with N. He still snuggles up to me when I give him a bottle. He says babababa too, when I'm getting it ready and claps! He wouldn't do that if I was whipping my boob out! Meal times are still cuddle times and I love that.
Obviously from my previous posts I'm not saying anything against BFing. I loved my time nursing N and I will do it again for my next child (God willing). I am extremely happy that I have come to terms with and am also enjoying FFing N. He is growing up so fast, standing on his own, walking with is toys, almost walking on his own. He says Mamama, and Dadada and Bababa. I can't believe it's all going so fast and those times when I'm giving him a bottle are our little snuggle moments. Brief moments where he's not squirming and I can just cuddle and love him.
Those are the moments that make all the sleep deprivation (only when teething now) worth it!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I know I know, but here's a little fun to come back to
I'm the worst blogger of the year. I know. It's been really crazy busy around here so I took a little hiatus.
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! And with a little bit of laughter (I hope) to start the party back up.
So I was walking up the stairs with N when I realized that I was fixing his socks without even thinking about it. THAT got me thinking about all the things I do unconsciously since becoming a mom. So here are my top 6 unconcious "Mom moves" (and yes I know 6 is an odd number but I wanted to include the one that started me thinking about it):
6. The sock lift: the one that triggered this list. EVERY time I pick up my son, regardless of who I'm talking to or the actual state of his socks I pull them up. I'm just waiting for the day this summer when I go to do it and he doesn't even have socks on.
5. The finger plug: if we are out in public, for example, when we were out to dinner for my birthday the other day, the minute N starts screeching/squealing I immediately stick my finger in his mouth so he can chew on it. I did it at dinner when he starting squealing because he was done with his biter biscuit. In the middle of ordering dinner I just stuck my finger in his mouth without even thinking. My finger stayed there for probably 5 mins until we finished ordering, I realized it and gave him another biscuit.
4. The table clear: I automatically move everything away from the edges of tables and remove all sharp objects even if N isn't with me. Apparently I don't trust myself not to knock things over or cut myself anymore. That's probably a good thing.
3. The spit check (aka: the shoulder brush): Normally I drop N off at daycare then come home and shower and get ready for the day. It's one of the benefits of working from home. However, even if I have showered and gotten dressed and I haven't had Nathan, I constantly check my shoulders for spit/drool by doing the shoulder brush. You know the one that when I was single was a "big pimpin" type move? Now it's just a bodily fluid check.
2. The butt sniff: Yup. Like a dog. Except for me, it's a self preservation kind of thing. Every time I pick up N I lift him up and sniff his butt. Think out this, I do it in grocery stores, restaurants, I did it in church for N's christening, and I don't even think about it. It's like instinctual because my kid is a sneaky pooper. We've had some fabulous craptastrophies lately so to avoid that, I do the butt sniff to catch the poops ASAP. A laughs at me for it. He always seems to be traveling when the real bombs hit, so I don't think he really gets it.
1. The boob check: This one is my number one because I do it in public (like I said, totally unconsciously) and it just looks like I'm feeling myself up. I am CONSTANTLY like every 15 minutes, squeezing my boobs. Especially now that we are weaning and I'm trying to avoid a clogged duct/mastitis. I squeeze them to see if I'm getting engorged, how full they are, etc. It's also to check for leaks because since we started weaning I'm leaking again. I accidentally did this at an event over the weekend with some of A's coworkers. I think 2 of the guys saw me but they were polite enough not to say anything. I however, was mortified when I realized what I had just done.
So there you go! I'm sure there are TONS more but these are the only ones I've realized I do at some point. What are yours? I know you have things that you do, whether you are a mom or not. The pit check, the butt sniff, the wedgie wiggle? I think these are the things that make me enjoy airports so much. Prime people watching territory and it makes me feel not so bad about my little things....
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack! And with a little bit of laughter (I hope) to start the party back up.
So I was walking up the stairs with N when I realized that I was fixing his socks without even thinking about it. THAT got me thinking about all the things I do unconsciously since becoming a mom. So here are my top 6 unconcious "Mom moves" (and yes I know 6 is an odd number but I wanted to include the one that started me thinking about it):
6. The sock lift: the one that triggered this list. EVERY time I pick up my son, regardless of who I'm talking to or the actual state of his socks I pull them up. I'm just waiting for the day this summer when I go to do it and he doesn't even have socks on.
5. The finger plug: if we are out in public, for example, when we were out to dinner for my birthday the other day, the minute N starts screeching/squealing I immediately stick my finger in his mouth so he can chew on it. I did it at dinner when he starting squealing because he was done with his biter biscuit. In the middle of ordering dinner I just stuck my finger in his mouth without even thinking. My finger stayed there for probably 5 mins until we finished ordering, I realized it and gave him another biscuit.
4. The table clear: I automatically move everything away from the edges of tables and remove all sharp objects even if N isn't with me. Apparently I don't trust myself not to knock things over or cut myself anymore. That's probably a good thing.
3. The spit check (aka: the shoulder brush): Normally I drop N off at daycare then come home and shower and get ready for the day. It's one of the benefits of working from home. However, even if I have showered and gotten dressed and I haven't had Nathan, I constantly check my shoulders for spit/drool by doing the shoulder brush. You know the one that when I was single was a "big pimpin" type move? Now it's just a bodily fluid check.
2. The butt sniff: Yup. Like a dog. Except for me, it's a self preservation kind of thing. Every time I pick up N I lift him up and sniff his butt. Think out this, I do it in grocery stores, restaurants, I did it in church for N's christening, and I don't even think about it. It's like instinctual because my kid is a sneaky pooper. We've had some fabulous craptastrophies lately so to avoid that, I do the butt sniff to catch the poops ASAP. A laughs at me for it. He always seems to be traveling when the real bombs hit, so I don't think he really gets it.
1. The boob check: This one is my number one because I do it in public (like I said, totally unconsciously) and it just looks like I'm feeling myself up. I am CONSTANTLY like every 15 minutes, squeezing my boobs. Especially now that we are weaning and I'm trying to avoid a clogged duct/mastitis. I squeeze them to see if I'm getting engorged, how full they are, etc. It's also to check for leaks because since we started weaning I'm leaking again. I accidentally did this at an event over the weekend with some of A's coworkers. I think 2 of the guys saw me but they were polite enough not to say anything. I however, was mortified when I realized what I had just done.
So there you go! I'm sure there are TONS more but these are the only ones I've realized I do at some point. What are yours? I know you have things that you do, whether you are a mom or not. The pit check, the butt sniff, the wedgie wiggle? I think these are the things that make me enjoy airports so much. Prime people watching territory and it makes me feel not so bad about my little things....
Saturday, April 24, 2010
A is up to something
A is terrible at keeping secrets. TERRIBLE. He's constantly telling people what we got them for their birthdays or Christmas before we give it to them. I almost always know what I'm getting before he gives it to me. When he travels he tries to keep a secret but always ends up blurting out what he got me because he gets so excited about it.
He is however, up to something and is being very secretive about it. I almost feel like I'm making it up and he's not really up to something because I feel like if he really was up to something he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret.
So here's what has triggered me to think something is up. First, my birthday and Mother's day are in the same week, which as you know, is coming up. So he has asked me a few times what I want for my birthday. (As a side note, how come this question gets harder and harder to answer as we get older?) So, the other day, he got home from a trip and was helping me give N his bath when his phone rang. He went to get it and said "Oh hey! Hold on a sec" and walked all the way downstairs with the phone. So I'm already suspicious because he did that and my imagination started running away with me. I could tell it was a girl that he was talking to because of the tone of his voice. When he's talking to "his boys" he's all loud and obnoxious. So I kept straining to hear who he was talking to because it's weird for him to be talking to a girl (other than his mom) and have to walk downstairs to do it. Then as he finished the phone call I heard him say, "Alright, Thanks P....". It was my SISTER!
Now to some of you this may not seem suspicious, and when I asked him about it he said, "I had called her to say hi and see how she was feeling since the baby" which is a perfectly good explanation EXCEPT that they NEVER talk to each other like that. They like each other and they get along, but P and A have VERY different personalities, so it made me really suspicious, that he talked to her for a good 10-15 minutes and that she called him.
I wasn't going to say anything to him, but we were talking later on that day and he said something to me about not believing what I said (jokingly) and I said "Oh and I'm supposed to believe you just called P to check up?? I know you're up to something!" He just laughed and said "Nope, I was just calling to see how she was" then got up and walked away. For some reason this seems even more suspicious to me....I don't know why though.
It's killing me and I know that's the whole point but really, it's killing me. I really hope that he actually is up to something and that I'm not just making this up because otherwise I'll be really disappointed....I guess I'll just have to wait and see (for once!)
He is however, up to something and is being very secretive about it. I almost feel like I'm making it up and he's not really up to something because I feel like if he really was up to something he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret.
So here's what has triggered me to think something is up. First, my birthday and Mother's day are in the same week, which as you know, is coming up. So he has asked me a few times what I want for my birthday. (As a side note, how come this question gets harder and harder to answer as we get older?) So, the other day, he got home from a trip and was helping me give N his bath when his phone rang. He went to get it and said "Oh hey! Hold on a sec" and walked all the way downstairs with the phone. So I'm already suspicious because he did that and my imagination started running away with me. I could tell it was a girl that he was talking to because of the tone of his voice. When he's talking to "his boys" he's all loud and obnoxious. So I kept straining to hear who he was talking to because it's weird for him to be talking to a girl (other than his mom) and have to walk downstairs to do it. Then as he finished the phone call I heard him say, "Alright, Thanks P....". It was my SISTER!
Now to some of you this may not seem suspicious, and when I asked him about it he said, "I had called her to say hi and see how she was feeling since the baby" which is a perfectly good explanation EXCEPT that they NEVER talk to each other like that. They like each other and they get along, but P and A have VERY different personalities, so it made me really suspicious, that he talked to her for a good 10-15 minutes and that she called him.
I wasn't going to say anything to him, but we were talking later on that day and he said something to me about not believing what I said (jokingly) and I said "Oh and I'm supposed to believe you just called P to check up?? I know you're up to something!" He just laughed and said "Nope, I was just calling to see how she was" then got up and walked away. For some reason this seems even more suspicious to me....I don't know why though.
It's killing me and I know that's the whole point but really, it's killing me. I really hope that he actually is up to something and that I'm not just making this up because otherwise I'll be really disappointed....I guess I'll just have to wait and see (for once!)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The week from HELL
I am officially having it. The week from HELL. Something else I'm having? A meltdown. Complete and total meltdown. Do you want to know? Probably not, but your going to hear about it anyway.
So as you know I work from home, which means the internet is my life. If I don't have the internet, I've got nothing. I have Comcast Business Class internet. So I pay more for the "good stuff". GOOD STUFF? MY ASS! All through January and February we were having issues. 3 technicians, 2 Modems, countless hours on the phone with customer service and somehow it resolved itself around the middle of February. There was no resolution, nothing. Just, it's working now. They have no idea what caused it. So I worked from the middle of Feb until Monday with no issues.
So Monday begins with me already exhausted because N had his 6 mth shots on Thursday and wasn't sleeping well. Monday morning I dropped N off at daycare, came home and got ready for my class. 2 day class 10a-5pm each day. I make it through about an hour of class and the internet drops. It happens periodically because of the program we use, not because of the internet so I just logged back in, apologized to the class and continued. Over the next 2 hours it happened 4 more times. After lunch it happened 7 more times. We made it through class, and once the class was over I called Comcast. It was about 3:45 (class was scheduled until 5 but the topics don't really take that long) I immediately said, I want to you tell me what's wrong and then I want to talk to a supervisor. This is unacceptable. So they couldn't figure out what was wrong, but they said they could have a technician out between 4 and 6. That wasn't going to work because I had to go pick N up and we all know with my luck, they would be there at 4 then blame me for not being there. She changed it to between 5 and 7 which sucked because that covers the entire time I get N ready for bed and fed etc. but I figured it was the best we could do. The supervisor gave me her name, and her direct phone number to call if there were any other issues and to follow up afterward so the could figure out what they can do for me.
7:15 rolls around and the technician still isn't here. I have a cranky 6 month old on my hands because his schedule is all off. I call the supervisor and get her VM. Leave her a message (she was supposed to be there until 8:30pm) and get N to bed. 7:45. Nothing. I call her again. Get her VM again (so glad she gave me her number) and leave another message. 8:05 the tecnician shows up. He's here for an hour. Shockingly, he tells me that nothing is wrong, it's not happening anymore and he can't help me. The he picks up the modem and decides its the power cord thats wrong and the power is dropping so he gives me a new modem.
As of today, the issue is still happening periodically and I haven't been able to get in touch with said supervisor. FVCK COMCAST.
So work has been totally stressing me out this week, trying to keep clients and bosses happy, deal with internet issues which piss them off and getting pissed of myself.
Yesterday I got no sleep because N was up all night and my loving husband got home at midnight and felt the need to wake me up to let me know he was home. Thanks. He also slept late this morning because he got no sleep last night. Welcome to the club.
Today, I'm dealing with a meeting with my boss. 2 new projects that must be done ASAP. Internet that drops out like crazy so I can't get anything done. I teach from 2-4:30ish then I grab my cell and see a missed call. The daycare called. They only called my cell, not the house, which is unusual. I'm on my way out anyway so I figure I'll just go and talk to her when I get there. So I get to the daycare and I'm looking for the director, the one who called and she's nowhere to be found. So I go to the infant room to get N and to see if they know where she is. I asked if they knew why she called and they said yeah. N had apparently projectile vomited all over the room and had 4 almost explosive diarrhea diapers! WHY WOULD YOU NOT LEAVE A MESSAGE! I mean seriously! No message, didn't call any of the other 3 numbers she has for us. Nothing. So now I have to sign something that says that we are aware of the symptoms and won't bring him back until he has been symptom free for 24 hours. I'm working, A is working so I have to figure out how the hell that's going to work and I can't get through to the pediatrician. I finally get through to the pedi and make an appointment for 7 tonight. I get ahold of A and he said he can take a sick day tomorrow so I don't have to. I start to drive home from daycare and I just start crying.
I have never felt so overwhelmed in my life. With work and N and A, who is always wound tight so at times like this, his stressiness (word?) makes me even worse. I miss my family, I miss my friends. I miss HAVING friends nearby at all. I miss A. He's gone so much and when he's home we're both stressed and exhausted. I just lost it. Of course I talked to A and he asked me to do like 8 things for him which made it worse. Sometimes men just don't get it. So I called my mom. That's right. I called my mom. I love my mom and I miss her so much. I just needed my mommy. She calmed me down. Told me I'm a wonderful mother and brought me back to sanity. I'm still overwhelmed, I'm still exhausted. I'm still worried about N (It's a stomach virus, nothing to do but wait it out and keep him hydrated) but my mom made it all ok just by being there for me, even it was over the phone.
Hopefully this week will get better. N will be home with A tomorrow and maybe Friday while I work (whish means when I'm not teaching, I'll really be taking care of N, not my projects). I know we'll be up at least a couple times tonight so I'll be exhausted but hopefully A will let me sleep a little late on the weekend. All I know right now (as i finish typing this then run upstairs to pass out) is that I hope, with all my heart, that someday I am to N and any future kids, what my mom is to me!
So as you know I work from home, which means the internet is my life. If I don't have the internet, I've got nothing. I have Comcast Business Class internet. So I pay more for the "good stuff". GOOD STUFF? MY ASS! All through January and February we were having issues. 3 technicians, 2 Modems, countless hours on the phone with customer service and somehow it resolved itself around the middle of February. There was no resolution, nothing. Just, it's working now. They have no idea what caused it. So I worked from the middle of Feb until Monday with no issues.
So Monday begins with me already exhausted because N had his 6 mth shots on Thursday and wasn't sleeping well. Monday morning I dropped N off at daycare, came home and got ready for my class. 2 day class 10a-5pm each day. I make it through about an hour of class and the internet drops. It happens periodically because of the program we use, not because of the internet so I just logged back in, apologized to the class and continued. Over the next 2 hours it happened 4 more times. After lunch it happened 7 more times. We made it through class, and once the class was over I called Comcast. It was about 3:45 (class was scheduled until 5 but the topics don't really take that long) I immediately said, I want to you tell me what's wrong and then I want to talk to a supervisor. This is unacceptable. So they couldn't figure out what was wrong, but they said they could have a technician out between 4 and 6. That wasn't going to work because I had to go pick N up and we all know with my luck, they would be there at 4 then blame me for not being there. She changed it to between 5 and 7 which sucked because that covers the entire time I get N ready for bed and fed etc. but I figured it was the best we could do. The supervisor gave me her name, and her direct phone number to call if there were any other issues and to follow up afterward so the could figure out what they can do for me.
7:15 rolls around and the technician still isn't here. I have a cranky 6 month old on my hands because his schedule is all off. I call the supervisor and get her VM. Leave her a message (she was supposed to be there until 8:30pm) and get N to bed. 7:45. Nothing. I call her again. Get her VM again (so glad she gave me her number) and leave another message. 8:05 the tecnician shows up. He's here for an hour. Shockingly, he tells me that nothing is wrong, it's not happening anymore and he can't help me. The he picks up the modem and decides its the power cord thats wrong and the power is dropping so he gives me a new modem.
As of today, the issue is still happening periodically and I haven't been able to get in touch with said supervisor. FVCK COMCAST.
So work has been totally stressing me out this week, trying to keep clients and bosses happy, deal with internet issues which piss them off and getting pissed of myself.
Yesterday I got no sleep because N was up all night and my loving husband got home at midnight and felt the need to wake me up to let me know he was home. Thanks. He also slept late this morning because he got no sleep last night. Welcome to the club.
Today, I'm dealing with a meeting with my boss. 2 new projects that must be done ASAP. Internet that drops out like crazy so I can't get anything done. I teach from 2-4:30ish then I grab my cell and see a missed call. The daycare called. They only called my cell, not the house, which is unusual. I'm on my way out anyway so I figure I'll just go and talk to her when I get there. So I get to the daycare and I'm looking for the director, the one who called and she's nowhere to be found. So I go to the infant room to get N and to see if they know where she is. I asked if they knew why she called and they said yeah. N had apparently projectile vomited all over the room and had 4 almost explosive diarrhea diapers! WHY WOULD YOU NOT LEAVE A MESSAGE! I mean seriously! No message, didn't call any of the other 3 numbers she has for us. Nothing. So now I have to sign something that says that we are aware of the symptoms and won't bring him back until he has been symptom free for 24 hours. I'm working, A is working so I have to figure out how the hell that's going to work and I can't get through to the pediatrician. I finally get through to the pedi and make an appointment for 7 tonight. I get ahold of A and he said he can take a sick day tomorrow so I don't have to. I start to drive home from daycare and I just start crying.
I have never felt so overwhelmed in my life. With work and N and A, who is always wound tight so at times like this, his stressiness (word?) makes me even worse. I miss my family, I miss my friends. I miss HAVING friends nearby at all. I miss A. He's gone so much and when he's home we're both stressed and exhausted. I just lost it. Of course I talked to A and he asked me to do like 8 things for him which made it worse. Sometimes men just don't get it. So I called my mom. That's right. I called my mom. I love my mom and I miss her so much. I just needed my mommy. She calmed me down. Told me I'm a wonderful mother and brought me back to sanity. I'm still overwhelmed, I'm still exhausted. I'm still worried about N (It's a stomach virus, nothing to do but wait it out and keep him hydrated) but my mom made it all ok just by being there for me, even it was over the phone.
Hopefully this week will get better. N will be home with A tomorrow and maybe Friday while I work (whish means when I'm not teaching, I'll really be taking care of N, not my projects). I know we'll be up at least a couple times tonight so I'll be exhausted but hopefully A will let me sleep a little late on the weekend. All I know right now (as i finish typing this then run upstairs to pass out) is that I hope, with all my heart, that someday I am to N and any future kids, what my mom is to me!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Spring cleaning...
So my closets ( A and I share 2 in the master bedroom) have been a mess for a while now. At one point I started going through all my clothes and getting the winter ones put away and the summer ones out. Notice I said started...I never got around to finishing the job, until today. It's been driving A nuts so I know that when he gets home he will be a very happy camper.
Never has spring cleaning been so hard for me. So many of my summer clothes are from 2 years ago and are totally not something I can or will wear anymore. I have a HUGE pile of clothes and shoes to donate to Goodwill. HUGE. Now don't hate me for what I'm about to say. One of the reasons I have so many clothes to get rid of is because I'm 15 lbs lighter than I was before I got pregnant. I had just lost 25 lbs before I got pregnant too, so I haven't been this size since college. I know that some of you will say, wah wah wah, why is she whining about being skinny. Well, it's not so much the being skinny but the size change thing. Just like if I had gained weight, I now have to go through all my clothes figure out what fits (which is not much since the last time I was this size it was 2003) what I should give to Goodwill, what should just be trashed, etc. I refuse to keep anything in the bigger sizes, because I feel like that would give me an "ok" to gain the weight back. I'm am so afraid that once I stop nursing I will gain it all back, so I got rid of all of them, so I don't have them available. I have some things that I fit into, that I start laughing when I put on because they are SO out of date. When I was gaining weight all these years I did hold on to the smaller stuff (we all have our "skinny clothes" in the closet, right?) in the hopes that I would be able to fit iback in them one day. Well, now I do and I wouldn't be caught dead in these things. I got rid of the outfit that I wore on my first date with A today...A long khaki cargo skirt and a red, black and khaki floral sleeveless top, that was cropped. Almost a belly top but not quite. If I remember correctly I wore some chunky black sandals with it as well. Hot right? Yeah, I got rid of it. It fits again but really? Like I'm going to wear that ever again? Not so much.
So anyway, because of all this I have a pile of clothes ranging from size 6 to size 12 purchased anywhere from 2002-2008 (since I was preggers all of 2009). Along with some pretty bad shoes and old purses for Goodwill. Now I have to go through it all and figure out what is there, so I can document it all for taxes. I'm going to guess that at retail prices I have at LEAST $2000 worth of clothes, but probably more. It's really depressing, in a way, to look at my closet now. There is NOTHING in there.
Now I just have to convince A that we can afford for me to go do some major shopping....I'm pretty sure I have a snowballs chance in hell of that happening but we'll see...
Never has spring cleaning been so hard for me. So many of my summer clothes are from 2 years ago and are totally not something I can or will wear anymore. I have a HUGE pile of clothes and shoes to donate to Goodwill. HUGE. Now don't hate me for what I'm about to say. One of the reasons I have so many clothes to get rid of is because I'm 15 lbs lighter than I was before I got pregnant. I had just lost 25 lbs before I got pregnant too, so I haven't been this size since college. I know that some of you will say, wah wah wah, why is she whining about being skinny. Well, it's not so much the being skinny but the size change thing. Just like if I had gained weight, I now have to go through all my clothes figure out what fits (which is not much since the last time I was this size it was 2003) what I should give to Goodwill, what should just be trashed, etc. I refuse to keep anything in the bigger sizes, because I feel like that would give me an "ok" to gain the weight back. I'm am so afraid that once I stop nursing I will gain it all back, so I got rid of all of them, so I don't have them available. I have some things that I fit into, that I start laughing when I put on because they are SO out of date. When I was gaining weight all these years I did hold on to the smaller stuff (we all have our "skinny clothes" in the closet, right?) in the hopes that I would be able to fit iback in them one day. Well, now I do and I wouldn't be caught dead in these things. I got rid of the outfit that I wore on my first date with A today...A long khaki cargo skirt and a red, black and khaki floral sleeveless top, that was cropped. Almost a belly top but not quite. If I remember correctly I wore some chunky black sandals with it as well. Hot right? Yeah, I got rid of it. It fits again but really? Like I'm going to wear that ever again? Not so much.
So anyway, because of all this I have a pile of clothes ranging from size 6 to size 12 purchased anywhere from 2002-2008 (since I was preggers all of 2009). Along with some pretty bad shoes and old purses for Goodwill. Now I have to go through it all and figure out what is there, so I can document it all for taxes. I'm going to guess that at retail prices I have at LEAST $2000 worth of clothes, but probably more. It's really depressing, in a way, to look at my closet now. There is NOTHING in there.
Now I just have to convince A that we can afford for me to go do some major shopping....I'm pretty sure I have a snowballs chance in hell of that happening but we'll see...
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Betchya thought I was done!
So did I. In a weird twist of fate though, I just came face to face with my spider phobia and it came between me and my son.
So N started crying upstairs and since he's still a little fussy from his shots, I left him fuss a little then decided to go upstairs and check on him. I went upstairs, checked on him, gave him his paci and left the room. I walked down the hall to the bathroom to pick up some clothes I noticed I'd left of the floor from our bathtime earlier and noticed something on the ceiling in the hall outside the bathroom door. You guessed it. A spider. So at this point, I'm trapped in the bathroom because I can't leave without walking under the spider and that would make it possible for him to jump/fall on me. So I look around to see what I can use to either knock it down so I can smash it (all while keeping it as far away from me as possible) and I can't find anything. Then I see the AquaNet. That's right, for some reason, I have AquaNet in my bathroom cabinet. That stuff can hold hair through a hurricane, so I figured it would kill a little old spider. Nope. I sprayed and sprayed, it fell off the ceiling but dangled a few inches down. This only made my anxiety worse and of course, N starts crying again that this point. So now I'm pissed at myself, pissed at the spider and upset that this is keeping me from getting to N to calm him down. I'd like to add at this point, that if I didn't know N was safe and sound and just being fussy I would have said FVCK the spider and run to get him. But since I knew he wasn't in any danger, I couldn't get myself to walk under the spider. So I look around to see what else there is and I see the Lysol. Perfect, that has to have enough chemicals in it to kill the spider. So I spray and spray and the spider starts to drop to the floor. It drops about 1/2 way then stops. At this point I feel like I'm going to be sick ( and reliving it is bringing back that feeling) so I just keep spraying the Lysol and finally after a couple minutes it drops to the floor. You would have thought that the Lysol and the AquaNet would have killed the GD thing but no it started crawling away so I smashed it. I was all ready with the dustpan and I beat the crap out of that thing. My phobia is much more controllable once the possibility that it can fall on me is gone. I made sure it was dead and ran to N's room to comfort him. I got him back down and came back out to the hall. I scooped the dead fvcker into the dustpan and dump it in the toilet. Picture me walking with the dustpan held as far out in front of me as possible in case this thing magically survived somehow or came back to life (like the one A had "killed" on Tuesday). I flushed the toilet (twice) and now know that I will think of that spider if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and probably avoid using the bathroom (because, you know, it could come back to life and attack me through the toilet).
Awesome. I really wish I could get over this and as I said, I know that if N's life was in danger a spider would not stop me from getting to him. All the same, it's so hard feeling so helpless and scared and nauseous everytime one of the little things is around. I'm sure I'll get over it eventually but for now, I've just got to deal I guess!
So N started crying upstairs and since he's still a little fussy from his shots, I left him fuss a little then decided to go upstairs and check on him. I went upstairs, checked on him, gave him his paci and left the room. I walked down the hall to the bathroom to pick up some clothes I noticed I'd left of the floor from our bathtime earlier and noticed something on the ceiling in the hall outside the bathroom door. You guessed it. A spider. So at this point, I'm trapped in the bathroom because I can't leave without walking under the spider and that would make it possible for him to jump/fall on me. So I look around to see what I can use to either knock it down so I can smash it (all while keeping it as far away from me as possible) and I can't find anything. Then I see the AquaNet. That's right, for some reason, I have AquaNet in my bathroom cabinet. That stuff can hold hair through a hurricane, so I figured it would kill a little old spider. Nope. I sprayed and sprayed, it fell off the ceiling but dangled a few inches down. This only made my anxiety worse and of course, N starts crying again that this point. So now I'm pissed at myself, pissed at the spider and upset that this is keeping me from getting to N to calm him down. I'd like to add at this point, that if I didn't know N was safe and sound and just being fussy I would have said FVCK the spider and run to get him. But since I knew he wasn't in any danger, I couldn't get myself to walk under the spider. So I look around to see what else there is and I see the Lysol. Perfect, that has to have enough chemicals in it to kill the spider. So I spray and spray and the spider starts to drop to the floor. It drops about 1/2 way then stops. At this point I feel like I'm going to be sick ( and reliving it is bringing back that feeling) so I just keep spraying the Lysol and finally after a couple minutes it drops to the floor. You would have thought that the Lysol and the AquaNet would have killed the GD thing but no it started crawling away so I smashed it. I was all ready with the dustpan and I beat the crap out of that thing. My phobia is much more controllable once the possibility that it can fall on me is gone. I made sure it was dead and ran to N's room to comfort him. I got him back down and came back out to the hall. I scooped the dead fvcker into the dustpan and dump it in the toilet. Picture me walking with the dustpan held as far out in front of me as possible in case this thing magically survived somehow or came back to life (like the one A had "killed" on Tuesday). I flushed the toilet (twice) and now know that I will think of that spider if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and probably avoid using the bathroom (because, you know, it could come back to life and attack me through the toilet).
Awesome. I really wish I could get over this and as I said, I know that if N's life was in danger a spider would not stop me from getting to him. All the same, it's so hard feeling so helpless and scared and nauseous everytime one of the little things is around. I'm sure I'll get over it eventually but for now, I've just got to deal I guess!
After 8 months, I finally got a haircut...
Ahh, the final post in my Friday night postathon....
I got a haircut when I was 8.5 months pregnant. I got another one yesterday. Yeah. That's 8 months. My hair, was BAD. I don't think I have left the house with my hair in anything other than a ponytail in about 4 months. So I finally decided that it was time. I had to find a hairdresser in the area and make the time to get it done (along with a much needed eyebrow wax). The trick was, finding a hairdresser. So I posted on The Bump on my local board and got a couple recs. One of them seemed the most promising (nearby, very well rated online) until I saw the prices. I am not a cheap person, but I cannot afford to pay rates starting at $85 for a haircut and $30 for an eyebrow wax. So I went for the second one, which was much further away but they had availability and were nice when I called. I got an early early morning appointment, before work ( I didn't know salons opened that early). Ryann did my hair, she was very nice. She has a 4 month old son so we had lots to chat about and I was very happy with the job she did. When I took my hair down, I asked her very nicely not to say anything about the state of it because I knew that I had been severly lacking when it came to hair maintenance. She didn't say anything but when she was actually cutting it, she looked nervous about what I thought. She kept saying, I know it looks like alot but this is what it will take to get it shoulder length. I told her I knew it would be alot and that it was ok. She still looked nervous, but still did a great job. I think she took off about 6 inches. I don't have any before pics to share, because my hair was always up in a ponytail, but here is what it looks like now. Not the best pic since I took it in the bathroom mirror but whatever...
I can't even explain to you how much better this is and how much better I feel. Everytime I go to the salon, I feel so good afteward, and I wonder why it always takes me so long to go back. Hopefully this time, I won't wait so long (definitely not 8 months!).
I got a haircut when I was 8.5 months pregnant. I got another one yesterday. Yeah. That's 8 months. My hair, was BAD. I don't think I have left the house with my hair in anything other than a ponytail in about 4 months. So I finally decided that it was time. I had to find a hairdresser in the area and make the time to get it done (along with a much needed eyebrow wax). The trick was, finding a hairdresser. So I posted on The Bump on my local board and got a couple recs. One of them seemed the most promising (nearby, very well rated online) until I saw the prices. I am not a cheap person, but I cannot afford to pay rates starting at $85 for a haircut and $30 for an eyebrow wax. So I went for the second one, which was much further away but they had availability and were nice when I called. I got an early early morning appointment, before work ( I didn't know salons opened that early). Ryann did my hair, she was very nice. She has a 4 month old son so we had lots to chat about and I was very happy with the job she did. When I took my hair down, I asked her very nicely not to say anything about the state of it because I knew that I had been severly lacking when it came to hair maintenance. She didn't say anything but when she was actually cutting it, she looked nervous about what I thought. She kept saying, I know it looks like alot but this is what it will take to get it shoulder length. I told her I knew it would be alot and that it was ok. She still looked nervous, but still did a great job. I think she took off about 6 inches. I don't have any before pics to share, because my hair was always up in a ponytail, but here is what it looks like now. Not the best pic since I took it in the bathroom mirror but whatever...
I can't even explain to you how much better this is and how much better I feel. Everytime I go to the salon, I feel so good afteward, and I wonder why it always takes me so long to go back. Hopefully this time, I won't wait so long (definitely not 8 months!).
6 Month Appointment
So we had N's six month appointment on Thursday. I can't believe that he is already 6 months old! That seems like forever, but also no time at all! So Thursday morning, A and I took N to the doctor. I was excited to see how much he weighed and how much he had grown. He is now 17 lbs 9 ozs (50th percentile) 27 inches (75th percentile) and his head is 44 cms around (again 50th). My boy is pretty much average and I'm totally ok with that! I couldn't get him to sit still for his 6 month pic but here it is!
So we were talking to the pediatrician, Dr. G. She mentioned that as soon as he starts pulling up we need to make sure to lower the crib all the way. I said, he's already starting to do that and the crib was already lowered, then I asked if we needed to take the bumper out as well. She looked at me like I was beating my child and said, "You should NOT have a bumper in there now. Yes, take it out immediately" Now, I know that we were being rebels when we put the bumper back in but we talked to alot of people about it. N was waking up multiple times in the night when we didn't have the bumper in just because he was hitting his head or getting his arms or feet stuck. We decided that since N could roll over both ways and had really good neck strength that we would put it in and it made our lives alot better. I even talked to A's cousin who is a doctor in NJ and she said that it wasn't a big deal since he could roll both ways. I did NOT expect my pedi to jump on me about this! There were a few other things she mentioned, she asked if he was sleeping through the night, I said he gets up once around 1 am, usually hungry. She said, at 6 months he's probably not hungry, it's just habit, that we should let him cry it out. She also talked about not starting puffs or anything solid like the teething biscuits until he was 9 months old (too late, he likes the puffs!). Which, I know isn't medically mandated, you should really do things as your child is ready, not by their age. So I felt like she was giving more parenting advice than anything. A takes everything she says as gospel. That because she has an MD she knows what is best for N. We disagree on that. I think that when it comes to medical needs, allergies, etc. she does know best. All children are different though and it is up to the parents to what they know is best for their kids. I don't think that pediatricians should be giving parenting advice. The cry it out thing really ticked me off because now A wants to do that and I just don't believe that should be the first thing you try. We can get him to sleep through the night without CIO (I think). We just haven't been trying yet because he does honestly seem hungry when he wakes up. He doesn't fall asleep right away when he starts nursing, he usually nurses both side before falling back to sleep.
So after all this, I'm getting to the point where I just want to get out of there because the parenting advice is starting to really get to me. She tells us that his next appointment will be at 9 months and that she will not longer be there. Huh? Yeah, you read right, she will no longer be there. One of the reason we chose her was that she was younger and new to the practice so we thought she was someone that we as a family could grow with. Nope. Less than a year after joining the practice she is taking a fellowship in the Bronx. So see you later. At this point, I didn't know what to think! After that appointment I was kind of ok with it because it seemed that we disagreed on some of the parenting stuff (but since I didnt' see it as her place to give me that advice, I just overlooked it) but she has been really good at explaining stuff to us, allaying our fears etc. So here we are. Next appointment we will be seeing her replacement and deciding if we want to stick with her or choose one of the other doctors in the practice. Because that wouldn't be awkward at all if we ever needed to see here for an emergency appointment in the future...
So after all this, A and I say goodbye to the doctor and we just have to wait for the nurse to come in and give N the shots. Since A had never had to do this before, I made him be the one to hold N down while she gave him the shots. I couldn't even watch because it's so heartbreaking to see him do the silent scream. He took them pretty well though, didn't cry for too long and we were on our way out. He slept alot of the rest of that day, then was apparently a total pain the next day for the daycare ladies...another reason I appreciate them so much.
So we were talking to the pediatrician, Dr. G. She mentioned that as soon as he starts pulling up we need to make sure to lower the crib all the way. I said, he's already starting to do that and the crib was already lowered, then I asked if we needed to take the bumper out as well. She looked at me like I was beating my child and said, "You should NOT have a bumper in there now. Yes, take it out immediately" Now, I know that we were being rebels when we put the bumper back in but we talked to alot of people about it. N was waking up multiple times in the night when we didn't have the bumper in just because he was hitting his head or getting his arms or feet stuck. We decided that since N could roll over both ways and had really good neck strength that we would put it in and it made our lives alot better. I even talked to A's cousin who is a doctor in NJ and she said that it wasn't a big deal since he could roll both ways. I did NOT expect my pedi to jump on me about this! There were a few other things she mentioned, she asked if he was sleeping through the night, I said he gets up once around 1 am, usually hungry. She said, at 6 months he's probably not hungry, it's just habit, that we should let him cry it out. She also talked about not starting puffs or anything solid like the teething biscuits until he was 9 months old (too late, he likes the puffs!). Which, I know isn't medically mandated, you should really do things as your child is ready, not by their age. So I felt like she was giving more parenting advice than anything. A takes everything she says as gospel. That because she has an MD she knows what is best for N. We disagree on that. I think that when it comes to medical needs, allergies, etc. she does know best. All children are different though and it is up to the parents to what they know is best for their kids. I don't think that pediatricians should be giving parenting advice. The cry it out thing really ticked me off because now A wants to do that and I just don't believe that should be the first thing you try. We can get him to sleep through the night without CIO (I think). We just haven't been trying yet because he does honestly seem hungry when he wakes up. He doesn't fall asleep right away when he starts nursing, he usually nurses both side before falling back to sleep.
So after all this, I'm getting to the point where I just want to get out of there because the parenting advice is starting to really get to me. She tells us that his next appointment will be at 9 months and that she will not longer be there. Huh? Yeah, you read right, she will no longer be there. One of the reason we chose her was that she was younger and new to the practice so we thought she was someone that we as a family could grow with. Nope. Less than a year after joining the practice she is taking a fellowship in the Bronx. So see you later. At this point, I didn't know what to think! After that appointment I was kind of ok with it because it seemed that we disagreed on some of the parenting stuff (but since I didnt' see it as her place to give me that advice, I just overlooked it) but she has been really good at explaining stuff to us, allaying our fears etc. So here we are. Next appointment we will be seeing her replacement and deciding if we want to stick with her or choose one of the other doctors in the practice. Because that wouldn't be awkward at all if we ever needed to see here for an emergency appointment in the future...
So after all this, A and I say goodbye to the doctor and we just have to wait for the nurse to come in and give N the shots. Since A had never had to do this before, I made him be the one to hold N down while she gave him the shots. I couldn't even watch because it's so heartbreaking to see him do the silent scream. He took them pretty well though, didn't cry for too long and we were on our way out. He slept alot of the rest of that day, then was apparently a total pain the next day for the daycare ladies...another reason I appreciate them so much.
Liar Liar...
my husbands pants are on fire...
So I have a slight aversion to spiders. And anyone who knows me knows that I'm am totally lying by using the phrase "slight aversion". I'm 100%, ridiculously terrified of them. I do have a legitimate psychological reason though, which I will share with you before I tell my husband story. It won't take long and it's necessary for you to understand how NOT COOL my husband was.
My family has 2 cottages up on a lake in NH. They are my happy place. There is no where I feel more comfortable than up there. Except for one incident when I was four. It was not so much a happy place that day. **side note (I always had dreams about this when I was kid and thought I had made this story up as an excuse for my spider fear until my mom confirmed it when I was 15. It's probably my earliest memory. So sad)** So we were opening up the cottages for the summer. They are not winterized so every year we close them in October and reopen them on Memorial day. We had spent the entire day cleaning and were all exhausted. I ran upstairs to get the bed I wanted, the top bunk, on the right hand side of the room. I got my PJ's on, climbed up into the top bunk and reached up to turn the light above the bed on. About 2 minutes after that my mom heard a blood curdling scream. There had been a spiders nest in the light that I disturbed when I reached up to turn the light on and there were thousands of baby spiders dropping down all over me. My mom says I was covered from head to waist in spiders and that she had to run me down to the lake and dunk me a couple times to get them all off.
I am totally allowed to be afraid of spiders.
Not surprisingly if they are on the ceiling or somewhere where they can fall on me or jump on me, I go into full panic mode. So there I was on Tuesday, teaching my last class of the day in our guest bedroom. I'm talking to a group of people over the internet and I look up and see a spider on the ceiling, coming right for me! I managed to unplug the computer, and slowly back out of the room without freaking out and letting the class know. I moved to our bedroom and finished the class. I also texted my husband that he needed to kill the spider in the guest room ASAP when he got home.
Later that night, A said that while he was remaking the bed in the guest room he saw the spider and killed it. I was suspicious that he was just trying to appease me, but I said thank you and forgot all about it. Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon. I'm back in the room preparing for my next class which was in about 20 minutes. I looked up in the corner of the room near the ceiling and guess who was there, planning his next attack on me. That same spider!! A was downstairs so I snuck out of the room (because the spider was watching me, so I had to sneak out!) and said "Hey A?" A said "Yeah" I said "You know that spider you killed yesterday, he came back to life!" I could hear him swear and start laughing. He said "I'll be right up" As he came up the stairs I called him a liar and he laughed again, I said, it's NOT funny, he continued to chuckle. He went in, killed the spider (this time I made sure!) and flushed it. I said again, "seriously honey, it's not funny! You know how scared I am of spiders" He just laughed and said it must have been God's easter spider.
Sometimes, I just want to smack him...
So I have a slight aversion to spiders. And anyone who knows me knows that I'm am totally lying by using the phrase "slight aversion". I'm 100%, ridiculously terrified of them. I do have a legitimate psychological reason though, which I will share with you before I tell my husband story. It won't take long and it's necessary for you to understand how NOT COOL my husband was.
My family has 2 cottages up on a lake in NH. They are my happy place. There is no where I feel more comfortable than up there. Except for one incident when I was four. It was not so much a happy place that day. **side note (I always had dreams about this when I was kid and thought I had made this story up as an excuse for my spider fear until my mom confirmed it when I was 15. It's probably my earliest memory. So sad)** So we were opening up the cottages for the summer. They are not winterized so every year we close them in October and reopen them on Memorial day. We had spent the entire day cleaning and were all exhausted. I ran upstairs to get the bed I wanted, the top bunk, on the right hand side of the room. I got my PJ's on, climbed up into the top bunk and reached up to turn the light above the bed on. About 2 minutes after that my mom heard a blood curdling scream. There had been a spiders nest in the light that I disturbed when I reached up to turn the light on and there were thousands of baby spiders dropping down all over me. My mom says I was covered from head to waist in spiders and that she had to run me down to the lake and dunk me a couple times to get them all off.
I am totally allowed to be afraid of spiders.
Not surprisingly if they are on the ceiling or somewhere where they can fall on me or jump on me, I go into full panic mode. So there I was on Tuesday, teaching my last class of the day in our guest bedroom. I'm talking to a group of people over the internet and I look up and see a spider on the ceiling, coming right for me! I managed to unplug the computer, and slowly back out of the room without freaking out and letting the class know. I moved to our bedroom and finished the class. I also texted my husband that he needed to kill the spider in the guest room ASAP when he got home.
Later that night, A said that while he was remaking the bed in the guest room he saw the spider and killed it. I was suspicious that he was just trying to appease me, but I said thank you and forgot all about it. Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon. I'm back in the room preparing for my next class which was in about 20 minutes. I looked up in the corner of the room near the ceiling and guess who was there, planning his next attack on me. That same spider!! A was downstairs so I snuck out of the room (because the spider was watching me, so I had to sneak out!) and said "Hey A?" A said "Yeah" I said "You know that spider you killed yesterday, he came back to life!" I could hear him swear and start laughing. He said "I'll be right up" As he came up the stairs I called him a liar and he laughed again, I said, it's NOT funny, he continued to chuckle. He went in, killed the spider (this time I made sure!) and flushed it. I said again, "seriously honey, it's not funny! You know how scared I am of spiders" He just laughed and said it must have been God's easter spider.
Sometimes, I just want to smack him...
Now your in for it, so get ready...
I am the worst blogger ever. I haven't typed a word in FOREVER it feels like. Things have been pretty busy around here, with Easter, A being home more, work, family visits, etc. So I apologize that I have been slacking again. However, as the title of this post says, now, you guys are in for it. Just because I haven't been blogging doesn't mean that blogworthy things haven't been happening. They have and I've been saving up. So the amount of posts that will happen in the next few days will be record breaking. Well, it will at least break this blog's record. So buckle up everyone, because you are about to be bombarded with probably more information than you ever wanted to know about my life and my family in the past few weeks....
Saturday, April 3, 2010
I finally gave in...
...and bought a grocery cart cover. I was trying to avoid spending that money by shopping only when N was at daycare, but with A traveling so much, it's inevitable that sometimes I'll have to go to the store with N and the thought of him putting his mouth on the handle of the cart makes me nauseous. So I gave in and went to Babies'R'Us and bought a cart cover. I can't believe how much they charge for these things! Of course the ones that were on sale (still $25) were gone, so I got the next price up...$39.99! It's not even that cute :-(. I know I could have ordered a cute one off of etsy or something for the same price, but I needed to go shopping desperately today so BRU it was!
As I said earlier, I have been doing my shopping while N was at daycare so usually right after I drop him off in the morning or before I pick him up in the afternoon. Not usually busy times at the grocery store. Today however, was NUTS! Apparently everyone in my town goes grocery shopping around 1 pm on Saturdays. They were alllllll there. The cart cover worked like a dream and I felt much better watching N sucking on the fabric as opposed to the handle of the cart. Totally worth the 40 bucks!
So with the errands out of the way, we made it home got the groceries put away and spent the rest of the day on the screen porch playing. It was so beautiful! I got some great pictures of N playing in the nice weather. He loved it outside! I'm so glad that spring is finally here. Now I just need to get a good kiddie pool! I leave you with my favorite smile in the world...wish you could hear the laugh that goes with it!
As I said earlier, I have been doing my shopping while N was at daycare so usually right after I drop him off in the morning or before I pick him up in the afternoon. Not usually busy times at the grocery store. Today however, was NUTS! Apparently everyone in my town goes grocery shopping around 1 pm on Saturdays. They were alllllll there. The cart cover worked like a dream and I felt much better watching N sucking on the fabric as opposed to the handle of the cart. Totally worth the 40 bucks!
So with the errands out of the way, we made it home got the groceries put away and spent the rest of the day on the screen porch playing. It was so beautiful! I got some great pictures of N playing in the nice weather. He loved it outside! I'm so glad that spring is finally here. Now I just need to get a good kiddie pool! I leave you with my favorite smile in the world...wish you could hear the laugh that goes with it!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Yum!
I had a craving for ice cream last night and we don't have any in the house. I try not to keep unhealthy/fattening stuff (you know, yummy stuff) in the house because I have absolutely no will power. None. Nada. If it's in the house, I will eat it all, immediately, no matter how bad I know it is. I know I mentioned in an earlier post that I was doing Weight Watchers. Did you notice that I really haven't mentioned it since? That's becuase I'm not doing it anymore. I can't stand constantly counting points, so I'm just keeping the bad stuff out of the house, trying to eat smaller portion and more healthy stuff. Last night though I needed ice cream. I don't know why ( and no I'm not pg) but I just needed ice cream. A LOVES ice cream so I knew all I had to do was mention it to him and he would ask if I wanted Coldstone, to which I immediately said yes, of course. There is one right down the street from our house so he went out and got it.
A thinks I'm totally boring when it comes to ice cream but I love chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles. So I told him that I just wanted a small, to try to be good about it, and I knew he would also get a small because he actually has willpower. So even though he wants the ginormous size he would get a small. When he came home he had a big bag and was smiling at me in a very suspicious way...that would be because along with our ice cream, he got these.
So what exactly are these you ask? These are sweet cream ice cream, sandwiched between to chocolate chip cookies then rolled in crushed white and milk chocolate. WHAT?!
So, seriously, yummy. But, what happened to the part about trying to be good? That's gone out the window :-(. Plus A is leaving again for a trip and will be leaving me alone with 4 of these remaining in our freezer. I dont' know how I'm going to make it! It's not fair that he gives into a splurge and I end up taking on all the calories! I told him this and he said it's payback for pregnancy. When I would be starving and absolutely have to have something extremely gross and fattening. Then I could only eat like 3 bites of it and he would "have" to eat the rest. I guess I'll give him that one.
Any suggestions on how to forget about the deliciously yummy cookie ice cream sandwiches in my freezer? My goal is to only eat 1 maybe 2 of them while A is gone, but really, who am I fooling...
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I love visitors! (and visiting!)
It has been an eventful week here! Last Saturday A and I took N up to visit my college friends in Boston. Unfortunately we couldn't see T, P and their son A because of a stupid disease. I have to say that this is the one part of parenting that I was NOT prepared for....the sickness!! I'm not even having to go through it, but I can't imagine being T right now and handling it. A got Hand, Foot and Mouth disease at daycare. He was pretty much over it by the time we were coming up but T (yes, his mom) got it! I didn't know adults could get it and because she still was contagious, we couldn't see any of them. It totally sucked because we were looking forward to getting A and N together. Our little boys have never met and I haven't seen A in forever. Hopefully we can find some time in the next month or so to get back up there and get the little ones together!
Despite the H, F &M disease issue, we had a great time visiting everyone. I got to see S who is 20 weeks pregnant now!! She looks so freaking adorable with her little baby bump. It almost makes me miss mine. Almost. Visiting makes me miss them all so much more! I miss having friends nearby that I can visit with and vent to. I am very lucky though to have the friends I have, near or far.
So that was the visiting part and as much as I LOVED visiting everyone in Boston, I'm even happier that my parents came to visit us this week! Right now they are visiting other friends in the area but they drove up Sunday from SC and were here Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday we visited my grandmother up in Hartford. She just turned 93 and is doing great! I just wish we could get her to stop driving... Anyway, she is doing well, which is wonderful and she loved seeing N. It's been great having my mom and dad around because I miss them so much. They are coming back tomorrow to stay until Sunday morning when they will drive back. It makes me sad that they can't see N more often, but I swear he recognizes them from when we were there over Christmas. He's constantly laughing at my Dad and loves playing with and snuggling with my Mom. It makes me so happy to see them with him.
That's the reason I have been MIA lately though, so much visiting going on I had to take a break from my online social life. I promise I'll be back though, whether that's a happy or sad thing I'm not sure. For now I'm just going to enjoy my family and I'll see you guys when I see you!
Despite the H, F &M disease issue, we had a great time visiting everyone. I got to see S who is 20 weeks pregnant now!! She looks so freaking adorable with her little baby bump. It almost makes me miss mine. Almost. Visiting makes me miss them all so much more! I miss having friends nearby that I can visit with and vent to. I am very lucky though to have the friends I have, near or far.
So that was the visiting part and as much as I LOVED visiting everyone in Boston, I'm even happier that my parents came to visit us this week! Right now they are visiting other friends in the area but they drove up Sunday from SC and were here Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday we visited my grandmother up in Hartford. She just turned 93 and is doing great! I just wish we could get her to stop driving... Anyway, she is doing well, which is wonderful and she loved seeing N. It's been great having my mom and dad around because I miss them so much. They are coming back tomorrow to stay until Sunday morning when they will drive back. It makes me sad that they can't see N more often, but I swear he recognizes them from when we were there over Christmas. He's constantly laughing at my Dad and loves playing with and snuggling with my Mom. It makes me so happy to see them with him.
That's the reason I have been MIA lately though, so much visiting going on I had to take a break from my online social life. I promise I'll be back though, whether that's a happy or sad thing I'm not sure. For now I'm just going to enjoy my family and I'll see you guys when I see you!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
MAJOR Slackage...
Ok, so seriously, I've been the worst at updating the past week. I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that I'm sick again. Luckily this time N is not (fingers crossed that sticks) and A has actually been HOME!! So the past few days I've missed my little monkey because I've just been feeding him and handing him off to A to avoid getting him sick. I can barely look at him while he's nursing because I feel like I'm breathing germs on him. A has been AWESOME. I can't say enough about how wonderful he's been. He got up at night everytime and only got me up if N was hungry. He took N to daycare and picked him up every day, he played with him and did all of the bedtime routine, again, only making me help out to feed (which is because I'm nursing). I know I complain about him sometimes but I couldn't have married a better man! Now that I'm feeling much better of course he has to travel a bit but that's ok. I'm just going to keep trying my hardest not to get N sick and pray that this was the last cold of the season!
This whole week though has made me totally jealous of people who feed their children formula. Since I'm nursing, I could have A give him a bottle of milk that I had pumped instead of waking me up. But I'd most likely have to wake up anyway to pump so that my supply kept up. If N was taking formula, I could have just had A give him a bottle without having to worry about pumping, or my supply or getting up or anything. It got me thinking about weaning N.
I always said that my goal was six months and that after six months I would start to wean him. After a while I said I would start giving him a bottle of formula at 5 months so I could have him weaned by like 7 months. Well, we're at 5.5 months and no formula yet. We are doing solids, he loves some Sweet Potatoes. He gets solids around lunch time and dinner time every day. He still is consuming just as much milk though. So I'm still pumping 4 times/day to get 3 bottles/day for N. Sometimes I do get extra. I am still able to get a bag or two extra each week. So I have no supply issues although I HATE...HATE...pumping with a passion. I'm tired of washing pump parts and sanitizing them and bagging milk and trying to do all of this around the classes I teach online. Thank god I don't teach through video conference (only audio) because my clients would be seeing way more of me than they need to. I feel like that's not a good enough reason to wean though.
But I have all these little selfish reasons that I want to quit:
1) Drinking. I would like to be able to have more than one glass of wine without worrying about pumping/nursing
2) I hate pumping
3) I want A to be able to feed N without have to use up my milk supply/or pumping so I can sleep and he can take some of the load off me
4) I want my boobs back
5) Drinking...wait did I already say that?? Oops. (I'm not an alchy I swear)
Then I start thinking about all the pros of nursing:
1) The price is right!
2) My body makes enough milk (which is huge, I know I should be grateful)
3) N is good at it ( again huge and I'm extremely grateful)
4) Always the right temp
5) No harder to prep for daycare than formula (other than the pumping).
Then comes what I think is the weird part of my thought process. I feel like by stopping BFing, I'm taking something away from N. He likes to nurse, it calms him down, he snuggles up to me. He likes bmilk. What if he doesn't like formula! I feel like he would be sad. I know it seems completely irrational to me but I really think that. I don't want him to be sad or miss nursing or think I'm punishing him for something...ok that last one I doubt he would think, but that's where my mind goes. This is actually the HARDEST thing about weaning for me to get my mind around. I don't want to make N sad. All the other stuff, the price, the warming the bottle, the prep I could care less about. I know that N is also good at taking a bottle and just because my body is good at making milk doesn't mean I have to do it forever. But the making N sad thing KILLS me...
Now after all of this I have come to the conclusion that if I'm having so many doubts, I'm probably not ready to wean him yet. I'm slowly preparing myself for it. I know I will miss it because I do enjoy nursing him and the closeness (and convenience) but no matter what I will have to stop nursing eventually. I'm not into extended bfing and don't know if I can really make it a year, although you never know. A year is my ULTIMATE limit though. I'm guessing I'll get about 9 months in and then be done. I have to say though I never thought I would be this conflicted about it. I knew that I would get attached to it, I knew that there was a closeness, a bond that you create with your child while nursing that would be hard to break. I just didn't think it would be like this...I just thought I'd be sad. I'm not sad, but I can't say that I won't be when it comes time. I know though that I'm not ready yet, to break that connection.
This whole week though has made me totally jealous of people who feed their children formula. Since I'm nursing, I could have A give him a bottle of milk that I had pumped instead of waking me up. But I'd most likely have to wake up anyway to pump so that my supply kept up. If N was taking formula, I could have just had A give him a bottle without having to worry about pumping, or my supply or getting up or anything. It got me thinking about weaning N.
I always said that my goal was six months and that after six months I would start to wean him. After a while I said I would start giving him a bottle of formula at 5 months so I could have him weaned by like 7 months. Well, we're at 5.5 months and no formula yet. We are doing solids, he loves some Sweet Potatoes. He gets solids around lunch time and dinner time every day. He still is consuming just as much milk though. So I'm still pumping 4 times/day to get 3 bottles/day for N. Sometimes I do get extra. I am still able to get a bag or two extra each week. So I have no supply issues although I HATE...HATE...pumping with a passion. I'm tired of washing pump parts and sanitizing them and bagging milk and trying to do all of this around the classes I teach online. Thank god I don't teach through video conference (only audio) because my clients would be seeing way more of me than they need to. I feel like that's not a good enough reason to wean though.
But I have all these little selfish reasons that I want to quit:
1) Drinking. I would like to be able to have more than one glass of wine without worrying about pumping/nursing
2) I hate pumping
3) I want A to be able to feed N without have to use up my milk supply/or pumping so I can sleep and he can take some of the load off me
4) I want my boobs back
5) Drinking...wait did I already say that?? Oops. (I'm not an alchy I swear)
Then I start thinking about all the pros of nursing:
1) The price is right!
2) My body makes enough milk (which is huge, I know I should be grateful)
3) N is good at it ( again huge and I'm extremely grateful)
4) Always the right temp
5) No harder to prep for daycare than formula (other than the pumping).
Then comes what I think is the weird part of my thought process. I feel like by stopping BFing, I'm taking something away from N. He likes to nurse, it calms him down, he snuggles up to me. He likes bmilk. What if he doesn't like formula! I feel like he would be sad. I know it seems completely irrational to me but I really think that. I don't want him to be sad or miss nursing or think I'm punishing him for something...ok that last one I doubt he would think, but that's where my mind goes. This is actually the HARDEST thing about weaning for me to get my mind around. I don't want to make N sad. All the other stuff, the price, the warming the bottle, the prep I could care less about. I know that N is also good at taking a bottle and just because my body is good at making milk doesn't mean I have to do it forever. But the making N sad thing KILLS me...
Now after all of this I have come to the conclusion that if I'm having so many doubts, I'm probably not ready to wean him yet. I'm slowly preparing myself for it. I know I will miss it because I do enjoy nursing him and the closeness (and convenience) but no matter what I will have to stop nursing eventually. I'm not into extended bfing and don't know if I can really make it a year, although you never know. A year is my ULTIMATE limit though. I'm guessing I'll get about 9 months in and then be done. I have to say though I never thought I would be this conflicted about it. I knew that I would get attached to it, I knew that there was a closeness, a bond that you create with your child while nursing that would be hard to break. I just didn't think it would be like this...I just thought I'd be sad. I'm not sad, but I can't say that I won't be when it comes time. I know though that I'm not ready yet, to break that connection.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
The reason I avoid having A cook if at all possible....
So just a little background. When A and I were dating, he had a ton of frozen food that his mom had made him and brought down the last time she visited. She is a caterer so it was all amazing. AMAZING. Her food rocks. So between that and the few times A actually cooked for me, I swear he knew what he was doing in the kitchen. Now, I'm not saying I thought he was all gourmet or could cook just like his mom but I at least thought he knew what he was doing. Lately, I'm not quite sure.
I've been exhausted this week. A and I have been fighting a little so we've been up late (because god forbid we fight before 10:30 at night and we can't go to sleep angry). Nothing big really just stupid little stuff because we are both tired and cranky and ready for winter to be over so we can get out of the house more, etc. So we take it out on each other because there really isn't anyone else. So on Tuesday, I forgot to take something out to defrost for dinner. There were leftovers to eat and I just wanted a cheese sandwich anyway so I told A he was on his own for what he ate. The man made himself 3 packets of oatmeal and heated up some leftover steak. Ummm....seriously?? So whatever, I didn't say anything b/c I didn't have to make it so what did I care. Yesterday I took out chicken tenders (raw, not frozen pre-breaded stuff) and he offered to make dinner. Awesome! Anytime I don't have to worry about it is fine. So I hear him getting everything ready, I know that he is going to grill (yum!) so I go into the kitchen to get some water and I see him breading the chicken. So I said, "Oh, I thought you were going to grill." "I am" he says.....
Huh? Oh god. I should have known better than to let him cook. I'm now having flashbacks to the night about a year ago when he made rotini, mixed with rice-a-roni and bratwurst. No. I'm not kidding. Yes. It was disgusting.
So I very nicely said, "Isn't the breading going to burn?" "No, it won't" OK. So at this point I have given into whatever is coming and I just go with it. I notice that he has the frozen mozzarella sticks from the freezer out and thought, well at least I'll be able to eat those and the leftover veggies he was going to heat up, I made so I knew I'd be ok....
About 15 minutes later, in walks A with a pile of charred mozzarella sticks. HE GRILLED THE CHEESE STICKS. I mean really. REALLY?! Who does that! So I ate one or two, generously covered in marinara to hide the charcoal taste and waited for the rest of this disaster to begin. So in he walks with the grilled, breaded chicken tenders and the leftover vegetables, which he also somehow managed to grill. Apparently, the microwave and the oven just aren't for him.
The veggies weren't bad, I mean, I like grilled veggies so no big deal there.... I'll also give it to him that the chicken wasn't completely burned or totally gross. Only slightly. But that's only because the parts that weren't burned were where the breading had fallen off completely. Thank GOD for ranch dressing. I smother the chicken in it to hide the burned taste (healthy right? so much for WW) and ate what I could. I woke up this morning starving.
So I have to give it to him. If his intention is to never have to cook. He has done a fine job of convincing me he shouldn't. While I appreciate dinner being made for me, is see his ulterior motive and will give into it if it avoids anything like this (or the bratwurst incident) happening again...
I've been exhausted this week. A and I have been fighting a little so we've been up late (because god forbid we fight before 10:30 at night and we can't go to sleep angry). Nothing big really just stupid little stuff because we are both tired and cranky and ready for winter to be over so we can get out of the house more, etc. So we take it out on each other because there really isn't anyone else. So on Tuesday, I forgot to take something out to defrost for dinner. There were leftovers to eat and I just wanted a cheese sandwich anyway so I told A he was on his own for what he ate. The man made himself 3 packets of oatmeal and heated up some leftover steak. Ummm....seriously?? So whatever, I didn't say anything b/c I didn't have to make it so what did I care. Yesterday I took out chicken tenders (raw, not frozen pre-breaded stuff) and he offered to make dinner. Awesome! Anytime I don't have to worry about it is fine. So I hear him getting everything ready, I know that he is going to grill (yum!) so I go into the kitchen to get some water and I see him breading the chicken. So I said, "Oh, I thought you were going to grill." "I am" he says.....
Huh? Oh god. I should have known better than to let him cook. I'm now having flashbacks to the night about a year ago when he made rotini, mixed with rice-a-roni and bratwurst. No. I'm not kidding. Yes. It was disgusting.
So I very nicely said, "Isn't the breading going to burn?" "No, it won't" OK. So at this point I have given into whatever is coming and I just go with it. I notice that he has the frozen mozzarella sticks from the freezer out and thought, well at least I'll be able to eat those and the leftover veggies he was going to heat up, I made so I knew I'd be ok....
About 15 minutes later, in walks A with a pile of charred mozzarella sticks. HE GRILLED THE CHEESE STICKS. I mean really. REALLY?! Who does that! So I ate one or two, generously covered in marinara to hide the charcoal taste and waited for the rest of this disaster to begin. So in he walks with the grilled, breaded chicken tenders and the leftover vegetables, which he also somehow managed to grill. Apparently, the microwave and the oven just aren't for him.
The veggies weren't bad, I mean, I like grilled veggies so no big deal there.... I'll also give it to him that the chicken wasn't completely burned or totally gross. Only slightly. But that's only because the parts that weren't burned were where the breading had fallen off completely. Thank GOD for ranch dressing. I smother the chicken in it to hide the burned taste (healthy right? so much for WW) and ate what I could. I woke up this morning starving.
So I have to give it to him. If his intention is to never have to cook. He has done a fine job of convincing me he shouldn't. While I appreciate dinner being made for me, is see his ulterior motive and will give into it if it avoids anything like this (or the bratwurst incident) happening again...
Awards? For this? Really?
OK, so I never really thought that I'd get nominated for venting online and to be honest, I don't follow many blogs other than Miss Shizz who nominated me. She makes me smile! http://babyshmizz.blogspot.com/
Thanks Shizzle! So, like I said I don't follow many others but here are the rules and few that I do. They may already be nominated but WTH.
Rules of Acceptance:
1. Place the logo in a post or on your sidebar.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. Pass the award on to 4-6 bloggers who brighten your day.
4. Link the nominees with your post.
5. Let the nominees know they've received the award by commenting on their blog.
So let's see...who brightens my day on a regular basis?
Madison's Mama over at http://raising-madison.blogspot.com/
Krystal at http://tiealittleribbon.blogspot.com/
Abby's Mommy at http://365daysofbeing30andamommy.blogspot.com/
Miss A over at http://mollybrynn.blogspot.com/ I'm in love with her little girl
Finally Blair at http://theheirtoblair.com/
I don't check all of these very often but when I need a smile, this is where I go. Thanks again Shizzle and let me know how today goes!!
Thanks Shizzle! So, like I said I don't follow many others but here are the rules and few that I do. They may already be nominated but WTH.
1. Place the logo in a post or on your sidebar.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. Pass the award on to 4-6 bloggers who brighten your day.
4. Link the nominees with your post.
5. Let the nominees know they've received the award by commenting on their blog.
So let's see...who brightens my day on a regular basis?
Madison's Mama over at http://raising-madison.blogspot.com/
Krystal at http://tiealittleribbon.blogspot.com/
Abby's Mommy at http://365daysofbeing30andamommy.blogspot.com/
Miss A over at http://mollybrynn.blogspot.com/ I'm in love with her little girl
Finally Blair at http://theheirtoblair.com/
I don't check all of these very often but when I need a smile, this is where I go. Thanks again Shizzle and let me know how today goes!!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
I'm FREE!!!
It was 50 degrees today. 50!! Do you KNOW how WARM that is?! It was like summer...ok, not quite summer but seriously. I haven't gone for a walk with N since November. I haven't gone for a walk alone since November. I haven't really been outside, more than to get to and from the car, since November. Early November. That's 4 months...4 months, of being inside. Remember too, I work from home. So my universe has really been home, home, daycare, home, grocery store, home, daycare, home. Even N was longing to get out...
So to be able to expand our universe to the outdoors again was AWESOME. N and I went for an hour walk around the neighborhood today. It was wonderful. The fresh air was so awesome and N loved it. He was amazed by everything we went by. He was quiet the whole time. Just looking around. I swear that kid takes EVERYTHING in. He absorbs everything around him and I'm convinced that one day he's just going to turn around and blurt out something like "Oh hush, doggy! We're just walking by" because that's what I say to barking dogs. He looks like he is concentrating so hard on seeing it all. I wonder what's going on in that little head of his. When we got back, he took an hour and a half long nap, which he rarely does in the afternoon.
I really hope this weather stays. I realize that I chose to live here in New England. I lived in the south, in the warm, sunny weather for a long time and I didn't like it. So I chose to live here, but one of the reasons that I love to live here is I love ALL the seasons. I love the snow in the winter and the quiet it brings, I love the spring with the rain and the flowers and the green. I love the sun in the summer and going to our house in NH on the lake and the BBQ's with friends and family. I love the fall with the vibrant colors and the smell. There's just something about the smell of fall. I have loved this winter, but I would be very happy for it to be over. It's time for spring. For flowers and t-shirts and rain showers and perfect weather and new babies (nieces to be exact!) and birds and green trees. I'm so ready. I hope today's weather was not a tease, I hope that the snow is over for this winter and that the nice weather is here to stay.
I really hope this weather stays. I realize that I chose to live here in New England. I lived in the south, in the warm, sunny weather for a long time and I didn't like it. So I chose to live here, but one of the reasons that I love to live here is I love ALL the seasons. I love the snow in the winter and the quiet it brings, I love the spring with the rain and the flowers and the green. I love the sun in the summer and going to our house in NH on the lake and the BBQ's with friends and family. I love the fall with the vibrant colors and the smell. There's just something about the smell of fall. I have loved this winter, but I would be very happy for it to be over. It's time for spring. For flowers and t-shirts and rain showers and perfect weather and new babies (nieces to be exact!) and birds and green trees. I'm so ready. I hope today's weather was not a tease, I hope that the snow is over for this winter and that the nice weather is here to stay.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Ah, the penis....
That little piece of the male anatomy that us ladies have enjoyed so many times, but that turns us as parents into blubbering idiots. So badly so we can't even say the word! We call it a winky, peepee, weiner, weiny, willy, doodle, privates, potty-parts, tinkler, etc. Anything to avoid saying the word penis....but I don't really know why? Is it because as adults, knowing that the penis is not only for going the bathroom, but is also for adult only activities, that we feel dirty saying it to our children? Is it because we feel it is inappropriate for a child to know that word because, heaven forbid, he repeat it in public and it's not really a public topic? Is it that our thoughts go immediately to having "the talk" which is all around uncomfortable for everyone?
Either way, N has found his. I noticed yesterday in the bathtub that he had his hand on it for a minute and was looking at me smiling but he didn't leave his hand there or grab at it, he just started splashing again and that was that. Then again tonight I noticed it except this time he was pulling on it and trying to look at it. My first reaction was to move his hand then I realized that I don't move his hand when he's pulling on his toes, and while this is a more private area, he needs to explore it and be aware of it all the same. My next reaction was to say, "Is that your peepee?" Then of course, I rethought that as well because it got me thinking about why I don't just say the word penis. What is so uncomfortable about it? I don't make up a funny cutsie name for his fingers, or cheeks or feet. So I looked at him smiling at me and pulling on his penis and I said "that's your penis!" and he smiled from ear to ear and then started splashing again. Even after saying, I still felt weird about it for some reason. It's like it's ingrained in me that calling it anything other than penis, is less inappropriate than calling it by it's actual name.
However uncomfortable it is for me I plan on continuing to use the proper names. Who knows, may when N gets to kindergarten he'll be like that kid in Kindergarten Cop who constantly tells people "Boys had a penis, girls have a vagina!" but I see no reason why I should teach my kid something wrong from the start.
And if anyone has any insight in to why we do this, why it's so uncomfortable, please! Comment away! I'd love to know why....
Either way, N has found his. I noticed yesterday in the bathtub that he had his hand on it for a minute and was looking at me smiling but he didn't leave his hand there or grab at it, he just started splashing again and that was that. Then again tonight I noticed it except this time he was pulling on it and trying to look at it. My first reaction was to move his hand then I realized that I don't move his hand when he's pulling on his toes, and while this is a more private area, he needs to explore it and be aware of it all the same. My next reaction was to say, "Is that your peepee?" Then of course, I rethought that as well because it got me thinking about why I don't just say the word penis. What is so uncomfortable about it? I don't make up a funny cutsie name for his fingers, or cheeks or feet. So I looked at him smiling at me and pulling on his penis and I said "that's your penis!" and he smiled from ear to ear and then started splashing again. Even after saying, I still felt weird about it for some reason. It's like it's ingrained in me that calling it anything other than penis, is less inappropriate than calling it by it's actual name.
However uncomfortable it is for me I plan on continuing to use the proper names. Who knows, may when N gets to kindergarten he'll be like that kid in Kindergarten Cop who constantly tells people "Boys had a penis, girls have a vagina!" but I see no reason why I should teach my kid something wrong from the start.
And if anyone has any insight in to why we do this, why it's so uncomfortable, please! Comment away! I'd love to know why....
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Once again, I've been slacking
So yes, once again I have been slacking. I have posted since last month!! I can't believe it is already March and that in 3 days N will be 5 months old. Seems like it was just yesterday I was sitting on this couch, feeling (and looking) like a beached whale, begging N to come out! The last 5 months have been wonderful. I love my little monkey more and more each day. If you had asked me the day he was born if I could ever love him more than I loved him at that moment, I would have said no. I also would have been wrong. Its ridiculous how much I love this kid. Even when he is snotty and crying and I've got his cold, and he won't eat but he's hungry and he wants to lay down but then when I put him down he wants me to pick him up and when I pick him up and sit down he doesn't want me to sit he wants me to walk and then when I walk he wants to play so I go to the living to put him down so we can play and then he wants to eat and ....on and on it goes and every moment of it I love him more and more! Yes it's gets frustrating and tiring but then you look at their face and fall even more love. I don't know that I knew THIS meaning of the word love until I had N. I knew other meanings but this one, this one is a whole new world.
Another word I didn't know the meaning of until N came along was the word tired. Yeah, if you had asked me before I got pregnant what it meant to be exhausted, I would have given you alot of examples. There were plenty of times in college and after where I pulled all nighters either to study (rarely) or to party (often). At the time, I thought I was exhausted. I didn't realize though that usually at some point soon after I had the time to make up the sleep. True exhaustion is when you don't even know you are exhausted until you sit down and realize that you haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row in months, then you have to get up again. I look back at when N was 3 months old and happily sleeping through the night. I was so smug thinking what an awesome kid I had that had been sleeping through the night since he was 6 weeks old. Then the 4 month period kicked me in the ass. Karma came back at me for mentioning to a coworker (whose daughter is 2 months older than N and has NEVER slept through the night) that N had been sleeping through the night and was so amazing. I didn't realize at the time that I was bragging and being obnoxious but I realize now that I was. Not necessarily obnoxious to a normal human being with plenty of sleep but to a Mom who truly is living the meaning of the word exhaustion, I was being a bitch. (Sorry J).
The sad thing is that even now, I can't put tired into words. Either there are no words to explain how tired I am, or my brain is so exhausted it can't think of them. Either way, I'll take it. I would take learning the true meaning of the word exhaustion anyday if it comes along with learning this awesome new meaning of love. It's so much more than worth it...
Another word I didn't know the meaning of until N came along was the word tired. Yeah, if you had asked me before I got pregnant what it meant to be exhausted, I would have given you alot of examples. There were plenty of times in college and after where I pulled all nighters either to study (rarely) or to party (often). At the time, I thought I was exhausted. I didn't realize though that usually at some point soon after I had the time to make up the sleep. True exhaustion is when you don't even know you are exhausted until you sit down and realize that you haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row in months, then you have to get up again. I look back at when N was 3 months old and happily sleeping through the night. I was so smug thinking what an awesome kid I had that had been sleeping through the night since he was 6 weeks old. Then the 4 month period kicked me in the ass. Karma came back at me for mentioning to a coworker (whose daughter is 2 months older than N and has NEVER slept through the night) that N had been sleeping through the night and was so amazing. I didn't realize at the time that I was bragging and being obnoxious but I realize now that I was. Not necessarily obnoxious to a normal human being with plenty of sleep but to a Mom who truly is living the meaning of the word exhaustion, I was being a bitch. (Sorry J).
The sad thing is that even now, I can't put tired into words. Either there are no words to explain how tired I am, or my brain is so exhausted it can't think of them. Either way, I'll take it. I would take learning the true meaning of the word exhaustion anyday if it comes along with learning this awesome new meaning of love. It's so much more than worth it...
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Warning: Attention Whore moment...
So I'm sick. Again. Just a little cold, but still a pain in the ass. A is traveling. Again. It's Sunday, which means tomorrow is Monday. Again. I'm gaining weight. AGAIN! So, I've decided to start back on my own modified Weight Watchers program. Modified as in, I'm not paying for the online or the meetings I'm just doing it on my own. All of the information is out there on the internet so why waste my money? So to kick off my first week back on the WWWagon, I decided to go for broke and make a recipe that would help me out the rest of the week. Even with A traveling, it's Sunday so I didn't have much to do and N can keep himself occupied for 10-15 minutes at a time so I had the time. I knew it would be a challenge because I have never done it before and even with a recipe I'm not always the smartest cook (as illustrated by some of tonights events). So what did I do you ask? I roasted a chicken. Yup, that's right a whole chicken all by myself.
So here's how the whole thing went down. I did 2 weeks worth of dinner planning before I went to the grocery store yesterday. That way I knew what to buy and I didn't have to worry about A coming home and looking at me and saying "what's for dinner?" Which is always exactly what I want to hear after having a crappy work day. The recipe called for a 3.5 lb roasting chicken. Since I was planning on using some of it for recipes throughout the week, I bought a 6.5 lb chicken.
So, who can tell me what my next mistake was. Come on, somebody can.. Yup! That's correct. I roasted the damn thing upside down. Now, I could totally play that off because I have seen on Food Network, some chefs recommend that.Yeah. It was totally NOT on purpose. I'm just an idiot and put the freaking thing in the pan upside down. I didn't even realize that I had done that until I started to cut into it. Even as I took this picture, my dumb ass had no idea. Really though, who does that! I think you can all see why roasting a simple chicken is such a big deal to me! Apparently I don't even know a chickens ass from its breasts. I will say though, despite its position, the chicken was ridiculously moist. So, I moved onto the gravy which is my favorite thing when it comes to roasting anything. After I had put the chicken on the platter and taken a picture to send to my sister (she's a REAL cook, see http://www.prettygirlsuseknives.com/ she's the triple threat) I poured the juices into a sauce pan. I skimmed alot of the fat off (this is a Weight Watchers recipe after all) and turned the burner on. The recipe said to bring it to a boil then add the dissolved corn starch into it. So I turned the burner on medium high and put a lid on it to speed up the process. As I was putting the lid on it I heard N cry out and went to check on him. Then comes mistake number three. I had intended to put the lid on only part way, to keep some heat in but avoid it boiling over. I apparently, did not do that. Apparently when I put it down I put it ALL the way on. So in the 2 minutes I was upstairs checking on N (who by the way, just needed his paci and he was fine) it boiled over. And by over I mean ALL OVER. I came down and it was covering my stove, the counter next to my stove, the cabinet fronts and all over the floor in front of the stove. There were probably about 3 inches of liquid in the pot to start and about 1/2 an inch left when I got back. Awesome. So I did make a little tiny bit of gravy, which was still delicious, but I had to clean up my kitchen first.
So here's how the whole thing went down. I did 2 weeks worth of dinner planning before I went to the grocery store yesterday. That way I knew what to buy and I didn't have to worry about A coming home and looking at me and saying "what's for dinner?" Which is always exactly what I want to hear after having a crappy work day. The recipe called for a 3.5 lb roasting chicken. Since I was planning on using some of it for recipes throughout the week, I bought a 6.5 lb chicken.
So today, while N was taking a nap, I looked at the recipe and planned everything out. I usually don't eat until after N goes to bed. Especially when A is gone I just find it easier to not have to worry about dinner until N is asleep. Plus during the week I don't get N from daycare until after 5 and we start bedtime routine around 6:45. I like to spend all the time I can with him, not trying to cook dinner. So I planned it out around his bedtime. The cooking time was divided 30 mins then add some liquid, turn the oven down and then another hour. So I planned it so that I added the liquid right before we start his bedtime routine, that way when I came down from getting him to bed, it would be almost ready. So that was my first mistake. If any of you cook or have roasted a chicken before, or if my friend S is telling her hubby M about this, he/you are probably noticing a problem with the cooking time. Yeah. The RECIPE said 30 mins then another hour. But if you remember correctly the recipe also called for a chicken about 1/2 the size of the one that I actually was cooking. So it took a LITTLE bit longer than I thought (like another hour). Whatever, that I could handle I was just so proud of myself once it was done.
So, who can tell me what my next mistake was. Come on, somebody can.. Yup! That's correct. I roasted the damn thing upside down. Now, I could totally play that off because I have seen on Food Network, some chefs recommend that.Yeah. It was totally NOT on purpose. I'm just an idiot and put the freaking thing in the pan upside down. I didn't even realize that I had done that until I started to cut into it. Even as I took this picture, my dumb ass had no idea. Really though, who does that! I think you can all see why roasting a simple chicken is such a big deal to me! Apparently I don't even know a chickens ass from its breasts. I will say though, despite its position, the chicken was ridiculously moist. So, I moved onto the gravy which is my favorite thing when it comes to roasting anything. After I had put the chicken on the platter and taken a picture to send to my sister (she's a REAL cook, see http://www.prettygirlsuseknives.com/ she's the triple threat) I poured the juices into a sauce pan. I skimmed alot of the fat off (this is a Weight Watchers recipe after all) and turned the burner on. The recipe said to bring it to a boil then add the dissolved corn starch into it. So I turned the burner on medium high and put a lid on it to speed up the process. As I was putting the lid on it I heard N cry out and went to check on him. Then comes mistake number three. I had intended to put the lid on only part way, to keep some heat in but avoid it boiling over. I apparently, did not do that. Apparently when I put it down I put it ALL the way on. So in the 2 minutes I was upstairs checking on N (who by the way, just needed his paci and he was fine) it boiled over. And by over I mean ALL OVER. I came down and it was covering my stove, the counter next to my stove, the cabinet fronts and all over the floor in front of the stove. There were probably about 3 inches of liquid in the pot to start and about 1/2 an inch left when I got back. Awesome. So I did make a little tiny bit of gravy, which was still delicious, but I had to clean up my kitchen first. I may not have eaten until 8:45 at night, after cleaning my entire kitchen but in the end I had a delicious meal of Garlic Roasted Chicken and Gravy with Green beans. I now have the chicken bones and wings and thighs in a pot ready to start some chicken stock for soup tomorrow. That, I know I'm good at. Despite the mishaps I'm still quite proud of myself. I was, as the commercial said "Roasterphobic" and now I have faced my fear, destroyed my kitchen and my reputation (since I posted my stupidity online) but am not longer afraid to Roast a chicken.
:: takes a bow::
Thank you and good night.
PS: It's a really good thing this was a WW recipe, because I was so frustrated I ate 5 Chips Ahoy as well. Way to get off to a good start right?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Freaked the fvck out!
So I've been pumping since I went back to work. Same diet, same times, same beverage intake, same everything. All of a sudden this week my supply has TANKED. Now, by no means do I have a low supply. I'm usually still able to get at least 3 ozs per pump and most of the time around 5. Up until now though I was doing the same 3 pumps/day and getting 6-8 ozs per pump! So to drop to 3-5 sucks. N eats 7 oz bottles, so I'm freaking out about keeping up. We're planning on starting at least one bottle of formula soon, because we want to wean him around 6 months. Mostly for my sanity. I'll be happy if I can make it the 6 months and that's that.
It has been so ingrained in me though that BFing is best that I started to freak out when my supply started to drop earlier this week! I literally started going over my diet, my lifestyle, N's schedule, my schedule, etc. Everything. I went out and bought everything that's recommended to increase supply, oatmeal, Mother's Milk Tea, Fenugreek, etc. I have no idea if they will work because it hasn't even been a week, but we'll see. Either way, earlier today I was looking at Kellymom.com and found reasons your supply can drop. I went through all of them and none of them fit. There was only one that I wasn't sure about.... pregnancy. It said clear as day "Pregnancy can cause your supply to drop because of the hormones". I immediately thought, Fvck No. I am NOT ready to be PG again and if I am, I'm going to throw a shit fit (and of course be excited, but the shit fit will come first). Now, I became even more convinced that I was PG because I haven't had a cycle yet because of breastfeeding so I have NO idea if I've ovulated. I'm on the mini-pill which is not the most reliable bc and I was peeing constantly. Ok, seriously, If I had really thought about it the most I could be was 4 weeks preggo, but once I get something in my head, I'm so always rational. So within an hour of reading this information I was in a full out freak out.
So I called A who was at work and asked him to pick up a pregnancy test on the way home. He laughed at me but indulged me and picked up a digital test. As soon as he walked through the door I handed N to him, grabbed the CVS bag and ran into the bathroom. I POAS(pee on a stick) and then sit there and wait. The whole time A is looking at me like I'm nuts. I should probably add that we have done "it" a handful of times since I had N (getting back on the horse has not been easy for me mentally or physically) so it was definitely unlikely that I would be pg but I couldn't think of anything else that would cause this issue with my milk supply!
After what seemed like a million minutes later it came up and said "NOT PREGNANT". I smiled and looked at N and said "OH thank GOD! I'm so not ready for another one of you yet!" He laughed like he understood and I relaxed a little and enjoyed the rest of the evening.
I want 2 more kids. I am NOT however ready for the next one just yet. I need time to feel like a normal human being again. I need my boobs back. I need to get my mind back. I need to get my sex life back. I need to have at least one night to go out and get completely plastered. I know that sounds so totally selfish but it's true, those are the things I need before I'll be ready to get pg again...oh, well and I guess there are the non-selfish things too, like having enough money etc.
I'll worry about my milk later. If my supply rebounds awesome, if not we start formula a couple weeks earlier than expected. As long as N gets the nutrition he needs and is happy and healthy, I don't care if it's formula or bm, but like I said I'll worry about it later.
For now, I'm celebrating my big fat negative with a big fat glass of wine. Cheers!
It has been so ingrained in me though that BFing is best that I started to freak out when my supply started to drop earlier this week! I literally started going over my diet, my lifestyle, N's schedule, my schedule, etc. Everything. I went out and bought everything that's recommended to increase supply, oatmeal, Mother's Milk Tea, Fenugreek, etc. I have no idea if they will work because it hasn't even been a week, but we'll see. Either way, earlier today I was looking at Kellymom.com and found reasons your supply can drop. I went through all of them and none of them fit. There was only one that I wasn't sure about.... pregnancy. It said clear as day "Pregnancy can cause your supply to drop because of the hormones". I immediately thought, Fvck No. I am NOT ready to be PG again and if I am, I'm going to throw a shit fit (and of course be excited, but the shit fit will come first). Now, I became even more convinced that I was PG because I haven't had a cycle yet because of breastfeeding so I have NO idea if I've ovulated. I'm on the mini-pill which is not the most reliable bc and I was peeing constantly. Ok, seriously, If I had really thought about it the most I could be was 4 weeks preggo, but once I get something in my head, I'm so always rational. So within an hour of reading this information I was in a full out freak out.
So I called A who was at work and asked him to pick up a pregnancy test on the way home. He laughed at me but indulged me and picked up a digital test. As soon as he walked through the door I handed N to him, grabbed the CVS bag and ran into the bathroom. I POAS(pee on a stick) and then sit there and wait. The whole time A is looking at me like I'm nuts. I should probably add that we have done "it" a handful of times since I had N (getting back on the horse has not been easy for me mentally or physically) so it was definitely unlikely that I would be pg but I couldn't think of anything else that would cause this issue with my milk supply!
After what seemed like a million minutes later it came up and said "NOT PREGNANT". I smiled and looked at N and said "OH thank GOD! I'm so not ready for another one of you yet!" He laughed like he understood and I relaxed a little and enjoyed the rest of the evening.
I want 2 more kids. I am NOT however ready for the next one just yet. I need time to feel like a normal human being again. I need my boobs back. I need to get my mind back. I need to get my sex life back. I need to have at least one night to go out and get completely plastered. I know that sounds so totally selfish but it's true, those are the things I need before I'll be ready to get pg again...oh, well and I guess there are the non-selfish things too, like having enough money etc.
I'll worry about my milk later. If my supply rebounds awesome, if not we start formula a couple weeks earlier than expected. As long as N gets the nutrition he needs and is happy and healthy, I don't care if it's formula or bm, but like I said I'll worry about it later.
For now, I'm celebrating my big fat negative with a big fat glass of wine. Cheers!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
A new little bundle added to my friendfamily...
My friend C had her little baby girl last night. I haven't heard much about the whole process, but I know that she went to the hospital on Monday night and was sent home early in the morning Tuesday. Later on Tuesday I got a message that she was back in the hospital and was getting ready to push, then a couple hours later, the first pic of beautiful Miss Abigail! When I got the text message from my friend T that C was at 10cm and ready to push, I have to admit to a wave of jealousy. I never got to that point, never got to push, and as painful as I know it is, I still wish I had experienced that. I never shared my whole birth story so I thought I would share it now, regrets (if you can really call them that) and all.
At my 40 week appointment I was really no where 0 cms dilated ("I might be able to get the very tip of my finger in" -my OB) a tiny bit effaced, -2 station. Nothing. I knew I was going to be late, my mom was late with all 3 of us and I know that doesn't ALWAYS mean that's how it would be for me, but I wasn't hopeful that I would be on time. We agreed that we would let it go another week and at 41 weeks we would induce. I didn't really want to do that because my sister had been induced which had ended in an emergency c-section so it made me really nervous. The doctor assured me though that we really didn't want to let it go past 41 weeks because then the baby could be in danger. So we actually went ahead and scheduled with the hospital for Sunday night of week 41 to have the misoprostal inserted. Now, I swear on my childs life that my OB said that we would go to the hospital, they would put it in and we could go home. I swear. So does A. We were both planning to be home in our own bed that Sunday night.
So week 41 came and went and Sunday came so we called the hospital and they told us to come in at 6:00. We came in, went to L&D and they got us into one of the rooms. We started talking to the nurse about what was going to happen and after that she said, "OK, I just need to get you all admitted and we'll be ready to get started" At which point A and I both looked at each other and I said "wait, what? Dr. Soandso said I'd be able to go home" She laughed and said, no and I really don't think you'll want to.
So we got me all checked in, A actually went and got me something to eat since I quickly realized that I hadn't eaten dinner and once this party got started there was no chance of me eating again for a while. They actually changed from doing Misoprostal to Cervadil. They inserted it and I almost immediately started having mild contractions, which was interesting because it's really just supposed to dilate/soften your cervix, not start contractions, but whatever. No big deal, the most uncomfortable thing was going to the bathroom and trying to make sure not to knock the Cervadil out. So we went all night long with that and around 9 am they took the Cervadil out and checked me again. I was a whopping 1 cm dilated. Whoopie. So my doctor allowed me to take a quick shower and walk a little bit then at 10 am they started the Pitocin to start contractions and hopefully dilate me further. Now, they inserted the Cervadil at 9 pm and I started having contractions right away. By the next morning I was still having them and they were much more uncomfortable. Still about 4 minutes apart. A couple hours later, I was at 2 cm. Then a couple hours later I was almost 3 cm. Then it stopped. Not the contractions, not the medicine, just the dilating. 24 hours after the Cervadil I was at 3 cms, 2 station, but was almost completely effaced...and still contracting every 4 minutes and they were STRONG.
Around 9 that night, my doc came in and we started talking about the options. 1. Stop the pitocin, go home, take a break, try again in a couple days. 2. Stop the pitocin, sleep, start again in the morning. 3. Break my water which should speed up the whole process and get things moving. Worst case scenario (according to Dr.) was that after 24 hours we would have to have a c-section. At this point I had been in labor (although apparently it doesn't count as "in labor" until the contractions are 3 minutes apart. You can kiss my a$$ on that, I was in labor) for 24 hours and I was a little on edge. Not too bad. A said he kept waiting for me to lose, to start screaming and swearing but I never did. My doctor seems really keen on the breaking the water option, but she gave us time to decided. A just wanted to keep things going, I was really nervous STILL about the whole "forcing it" thing, so we were having some trouble. Our amazing nurse Cindy ( who was now on her 2 shift with us) helped us, talked us through the options the goods and bads without revealing any opinion. It really helped to look at all the options with no bias. We decided to go ahead and have the doctor break my water. The one stipulation both I and my doctor added to this was that I had to get the epidural....
The anesthesiologist came in and A left, at our hospital the make the husbands leave because they are more trouble than help. Cindy stayed with me and talked me through alot of it, but I was inconsolable. My doctors had to use baby needles on me until I was in my early 20's because I hate needles so much. When I would have to have blood drawn during my pregnancy I had to make sure the appointment was when A could come with me because I couldn't do it on my own (well, by the end I was able to do one on my own but...still) So the fact that I knew they were coming at me with a needle the size of my arm was not something I was ok with. They had to try 3 times to place the epidural. 3 times, in and out, because she couldn't find a space between my discs to get it into my spinal cord. I almost vomited when she told me that and said, I don't need to know the details (well, said through my hysterical crying and snotting all over the wonderful nurse Cindy). That was the WORST 30 minutes of my whole pregnancy, but not because of the pain, but because I got myself so worked up about it I couldn't calm down. A came back, smelling like food of course, which, if I hadn't wanted to just lay down and go to sleep would have really ticked me off. However, whoever invented the epidural is and AMAZING human being. It was awesome. I couldn't feel a thing!! Oh, happy day! So I slept until the next morning with my little drug button cuddled up next to me.
They came in around 8 am to check me again, and I had finally made it to about 7 cms. So we were getting there. I smiled and tried to relax, having heard that once you get to this stage it can really start to go fast so I was hoping it would be over soon and I would have my little man. Then the doctor turned to me and said that my heart rate was up and that was sometimes and indication of infection. She wanted to do a c-section and get the baby out before an infection could set in. I started crying and agreed, if it was what needed to happen to keep my little one safe then do it. I was exhausted and upset because I really wanted to avoid a c-section, but actually kind of excited because the end was in sight.
So the doctor that was on from my practice that day was scheduled to do a hysterectomy 30 mins later and they didn't want to wait to get N out so my doctor that had been with me all day the day before, cancelled her office appointments to come back to the hospital and do my surgery. At about 9:15am they came in and gave me the spinal block, luckily no more needles because I already had the epi in. The at about 9:40 I was in the OR. From here I feel like it was an out of body experience for me. I could feel the pressure of them working on the other side of the curtain but felt no pain. A was sitting right by my head talking to me and calming me down, I was crying and exhausted. Finally they pushed N out and I heard his little cry, it was so beautiful, and I just wanted to see him more! A minute later the nurse brought a little bundle around the curtain and there he was. My perfect little boy. I just wanted to hold him but I couldn't because I was still on the table. But they set him next to me and A and cried together at how amazing he was. Then we had to decide on the name :-).
Then he was swept away. A got to go with him to the nursery while they finished up with me, and wheeled me off to the room to sleep and recover from the drugs...
After that it's just the standard story. Once I had recovered from the drugs I got to hold my precious little guy. Nothing mattered once he was in my arms, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I couldn't believe that we had created such perfection.
Since that day (those days) I've thought about the whole process a few times. However, hearing about C pushing yesterday somehow brought it all back up. I once read someone saying something about mourning their vaginal birth. I don't think I ever did that but I do see what they were saying. For so long you imagine it happening one way....your water breaks or your contractions start... you go to the hospital....things progress and then they say it's time to push. Not long after you have your little bundle in your arms and all is perfect with the world. When it doesn't happen that way it's like losing something, and when I hear about others whose deliveries went as planned, I can't help but be a little bit jealous.
That being said I am SOOOOO thrilled that C and her husband S have finally been able to meet their little baby girl. I remember those first 2 days and how amazing they were and I hope that they are enjoying every moment. I couldn't be happier to finally have a baby GIRL in the friendfamily. We already have 2 boys, my N and my friend T&P's son A and a girl just makes it perfect.
Now, just a few days until we find out what S&M (hehehe) will have.... #4 is already on the way.
At my 40 week appointment I was really no where 0 cms dilated ("I might be able to get the very tip of my finger in" -my OB) a tiny bit effaced, -2 station. Nothing. I knew I was going to be late, my mom was late with all 3 of us and I know that doesn't ALWAYS mean that's how it would be for me, but I wasn't hopeful that I would be on time. We agreed that we would let it go another week and at 41 weeks we would induce. I didn't really want to do that because my sister had been induced which had ended in an emergency c-section so it made me really nervous. The doctor assured me though that we really didn't want to let it go past 41 weeks because then the baby could be in danger. So we actually went ahead and scheduled with the hospital for Sunday night of week 41 to have the misoprostal inserted. Now, I swear on my childs life that my OB said that we would go to the hospital, they would put it in and we could go home. I swear. So does A. We were both planning to be home in our own bed that Sunday night.
So week 41 came and went and Sunday came so we called the hospital and they told us to come in at 6:00. We came in, went to L&D and they got us into one of the rooms. We started talking to the nurse about what was going to happen and after that she said, "OK, I just need to get you all admitted and we'll be ready to get started" At which point A and I both looked at each other and I said "wait, what? Dr. Soandso said I'd be able to go home" She laughed and said, no and I really don't think you'll want to.
So we got me all checked in, A actually went and got me something to eat since I quickly realized that I hadn't eaten dinner and once this party got started there was no chance of me eating again for a while. They actually changed from doing Misoprostal to Cervadil. They inserted it and I almost immediately started having mild contractions, which was interesting because it's really just supposed to dilate/soften your cervix, not start contractions, but whatever. No big deal, the most uncomfortable thing was going to the bathroom and trying to make sure not to knock the Cervadil out. So we went all night long with that and around 9 am they took the Cervadil out and checked me again. I was a whopping 1 cm dilated. Whoopie. So my doctor allowed me to take a quick shower and walk a little bit then at 10 am they started the Pitocin to start contractions and hopefully dilate me further. Now, they inserted the Cervadil at 9 pm and I started having contractions right away. By the next morning I was still having them and they were much more uncomfortable. Still about 4 minutes apart. A couple hours later, I was at 2 cm. Then a couple hours later I was almost 3 cm. Then it stopped. Not the contractions, not the medicine, just the dilating. 24 hours after the Cervadil I was at 3 cms, 2 station, but was almost completely effaced...and still contracting every 4 minutes and they were STRONG.
Around 9 that night, my doc came in and we started talking about the options. 1. Stop the pitocin, go home, take a break, try again in a couple days. 2. Stop the pitocin, sleep, start again in the morning. 3. Break my water which should speed up the whole process and get things moving. Worst case scenario (according to Dr.) was that after 24 hours we would have to have a c-section. At this point I had been in labor (although apparently it doesn't count as "in labor" until the contractions are 3 minutes apart. You can kiss my a$$ on that, I was in labor) for 24 hours and I was a little on edge. Not too bad. A said he kept waiting for me to lose, to start screaming and swearing but I never did. My doctor seems really keen on the breaking the water option, but she gave us time to decided. A just wanted to keep things going, I was really nervous STILL about the whole "forcing it" thing, so we were having some trouble. Our amazing nurse Cindy ( who was now on her 2 shift with us) helped us, talked us through the options the goods and bads without revealing any opinion. It really helped to look at all the options with no bias. We decided to go ahead and have the doctor break my water. The one stipulation both I and my doctor added to this was that I had to get the epidural....
The anesthesiologist came in and A left, at our hospital the make the husbands leave because they are more trouble than help. Cindy stayed with me and talked me through alot of it, but I was inconsolable. My doctors had to use baby needles on me until I was in my early 20's because I hate needles so much. When I would have to have blood drawn during my pregnancy I had to make sure the appointment was when A could come with me because I couldn't do it on my own (well, by the end I was able to do one on my own but...still) So the fact that I knew they were coming at me with a needle the size of my arm was not something I was ok with. They had to try 3 times to place the epidural. 3 times, in and out, because she couldn't find a space between my discs to get it into my spinal cord. I almost vomited when she told me that and said, I don't need to know the details (well, said through my hysterical crying and snotting all over the wonderful nurse Cindy). That was the WORST 30 minutes of my whole pregnancy, but not because of the pain, but because I got myself so worked up about it I couldn't calm down. A came back, smelling like food of course, which, if I hadn't wanted to just lay down and go to sleep would have really ticked me off. However, whoever invented the epidural is and AMAZING human being. It was awesome. I couldn't feel a thing!! Oh, happy day! So I slept until the next morning with my little drug button cuddled up next to me.
They came in around 8 am to check me again, and I had finally made it to about 7 cms. So we were getting there. I smiled and tried to relax, having heard that once you get to this stage it can really start to go fast so I was hoping it would be over soon and I would have my little man. Then the doctor turned to me and said that my heart rate was up and that was sometimes and indication of infection. She wanted to do a c-section and get the baby out before an infection could set in. I started crying and agreed, if it was what needed to happen to keep my little one safe then do it. I was exhausted and upset because I really wanted to avoid a c-section, but actually kind of excited because the end was in sight.
So the doctor that was on from my practice that day was scheduled to do a hysterectomy 30 mins later and they didn't want to wait to get N out so my doctor that had been with me all day the day before, cancelled her office appointments to come back to the hospital and do my surgery. At about 9:15am they came in and gave me the spinal block, luckily no more needles because I already had the epi in. The at about 9:40 I was in the OR. From here I feel like it was an out of body experience for me. I could feel the pressure of them working on the other side of the curtain but felt no pain. A was sitting right by my head talking to me and calming me down, I was crying and exhausted. Finally they pushed N out and I heard his little cry, it was so beautiful, and I just wanted to see him more! A minute later the nurse brought a little bundle around the curtain and there he was. My perfect little boy. I just wanted to hold him but I couldn't because I was still on the table. But they set him next to me and A and cried together at how amazing he was. Then we had to decide on the name :-).
Then he was swept away. A got to go with him to the nursery while they finished up with me, and wheeled me off to the room to sleep and recover from the drugs...
After that it's just the standard story. Once I had recovered from the drugs I got to hold my precious little guy. Nothing mattered once he was in my arms, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I couldn't believe that we had created such perfection.
Since that day (those days) I've thought about the whole process a few times. However, hearing about C pushing yesterday somehow brought it all back up. I once read someone saying something about mourning their vaginal birth. I don't think I ever did that but I do see what they were saying. For so long you imagine it happening one way....your water breaks or your contractions start... you go to the hospital....things progress and then they say it's time to push. Not long after you have your little bundle in your arms and all is perfect with the world. When it doesn't happen that way it's like losing something, and when I hear about others whose deliveries went as planned, I can't help but be a little bit jealous.
That being said I am SOOOOO thrilled that C and her husband S have finally been able to meet their little baby girl. I remember those first 2 days and how amazing they were and I hope that they are enjoying every moment. I couldn't be happier to finally have a baby GIRL in the friendfamily. We already have 2 boys, my N and my friend T&P's son A and a girl just makes it perfect.
Now, just a few days until we find out what S&M (hehehe) will have.... #4 is already on the way.