Betchya thought I was done!

So did I.  In a weird twist of fate though, I just came face to face with my spider phobia and it came between me and my son.

So N started crying upstairs and since he's still a little fussy from his shots, I left him fuss a little then decided to go upstairs and check on him.  I went upstairs, checked on him, gave him his paci and left the room.  I walked down the hall to the bathroom to pick up some clothes I noticed I'd left of the floor from our bathtime earlier and noticed something on the ceiling in the hall outside the bathroom door.  You guessed it.  A spider. So at this point, I'm trapped in the bathroom because I can't leave without walking under the spider and that would make it possible for him to jump/fall on me.  So I look around to see what I can use to either knock it down so I can smash it (all while keeping it as far away from me as possible) and I can't find anything.  Then I see the AquaNet.  That's right, for some reason, I have AquaNet in my bathroom cabinet.  That stuff can hold hair through a hurricane, so I figured it would kill a little old spider.  Nope.  I sprayed and sprayed, it fell off the ceiling but dangled a few inches down.  This only made my anxiety worse and of course, N starts crying again that this point.  So now I'm pissed at myself, pissed at the spider and upset that this is keeping me from getting to N to calm him down.  I'd like to add at this point, that if I didn't know N was safe and sound and just being fussy I would have said FVCK the spider and run to get him.  But since I knew he wasn't in any danger, I couldn't get myself to walk under the spider.  So I look around to see what else there is and I see the Lysol.  Perfect, that has to have enough chemicals in it to kill the spider.  So I spray and spray and the spider starts to drop to the floor.  It drops about 1/2 way then stops.  At this point I feel like I'm going to be sick ( and reliving it is bringing back that feeling) so I just keep spraying the Lysol and finally after a couple minutes it drops to the floor.  You would have thought that the Lysol and the AquaNet would have killed the GD thing but no it started crawling away so I smashed it.  I was all ready with the dustpan and I beat the crap out of that thing.  My phobia is much more controllable once the possibility that it can fall on me is gone.  I made sure it was dead and ran to N's room to comfort him.  I got him back down and came back out to the hall.  I scooped the dead fvcker into the dustpan and dump it in the toilet. Picture me walking with the dustpan held as far out in front of me as possible in case this thing magically survived somehow or came back to life (like the one A had "killed" on Tuesday). I flushed the toilet (twice) and now know that I will think of that spider if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and probably avoid using the bathroom (because, you know, it could come back to life and attack me through the toilet). 

Awesome.    I really wish I could get over this and as I said, I know that if N's life was in danger a spider would not stop me from getting to him.  All the same, it's so hard feeling so helpless and scared and nauseous everytime one of the little things is around.  I'm sure I'll get over it eventually but for now, I've just got to deal I guess!